35 and Holding

Effexor XR - the not so good and the down right ugly

2012-02-12T22:32:00.003-05:00

My last blog was about depression. So, it seems fitting that I do a followup post. My life had been coasting along quite nicely since that last post. My son was finally getting the help he needed in school, home life was stable, the girl and I were having some good quality time (still are!) in our ice skating lessons and the job was rolling right along. The my Dr. and I agreed my Prozac had run its course. That's when the trouble began.

Nov. 2011 I started taking Effexor XR for depression and anxiety. The drug is know for its effects of ADHD like symptoms and for giving you a extra boost. I was tired ALL THE TIME. It did wonders at first. After I started this med. I felt good enough to join my daughter in ice skating lessons and actually found a joy I hadn't know existed in me. I am in LOVE with this sport. I will never be an Olympian but its relaxing, fun, and allows me to just be me. But, I digress.

For three months I took Effexor. Life moved along as always. I was doing some good work with my therapist. Learning to be assertive and ask for what I need, rather than assume people are mind readers. We had agreed it wasn't necessary for me to make weekly visits any longer. I was excited for the extra money I would have not having to make that co-pay each week.

The Effexor had other plans. My blood pressure shot up sky high. A common side effect of Effexor XR. (I now have to take HP medicine to control it - I am 39) I also developed other side effects. Insomnia, hot flash like symptoms, mainly facial flushing that was excruciatingly painful to deal with, and stomach issues to name a few. I decided at 150mg that it wasn't working that well anymore. At least not well enough to justify the side effects. So, Dr. and I came up with a plan to taper me off - with a warning from the dr. that the discontinuation effects are sometimes harsh. Boy, what an understatement that ended up being.

The plan was to go from 150 to 75 mg immediately. I was to take 75mg for a week, then go to 37.5mg for 4 days, then go on and off a day for 8 days. The first thing I noticed was that every inch of my body ached. It was almost as if every nerve ending was right at the surface of my skin. I hurt to touch. Awful. Then, there were the headaches. Those two things alone would have been ok. I would have coped. But when the mental instability set in, I knew I was in for a wild ride. Things that I had been coping with just fine in the years before, set me off like nothing ever had. I went from manic to super angry to uncontrollable crying all in a matter of minutes. Scary stuff. I couldn't focus, my patience was non-existent, I was scatter brained. I was anxious, my body hurt, i had headaches. Then sets in dizziness. Nausea, gastrointestinal issues. More crying, more anger. My kids were wondering where their Mother went.

I made it thru the 4 days of 37.5mg and decided I would NOT put one more of those pills into my system. I had also been given Cymbalta to start several days into the on/off again routine. At this point I was in such a low place, I was too afraid to take another pill. I was seriously considering pulling my son off of his ADHD medicines. I was not thinking rationally. I couldn't. Work was bad. All I could do was cry. The smallest thing set me off. Then my children started acting up. My son got suspended (normally, i would deal with this quite well: it had happened before - he has behavior issues) My daughter was acting out. I actually had the thought that their lives would somehow be better without me. I wanted to die. The only thing that made that thought worse was that I am the kind of person who gets trapped in that thought (thank goodness!!) because i am too chicken to actually act on that. But the thoughts running thru my head were some of the scariest I have ever had. I just didn't care anymore.

When I thought things couldn't get worse, they did. I couldn't close my eyes at night because when I did, I would have some of the worst panic attacks I had had in quite some time. Then the brain zaps started. The only way to describe this is that it feels like I had a marathon game of OPERATION going on inside my brain all the time. Like mini seizures. The dizziness grew increasingly worse. I knew I had to do something or things were going to get ugly.

The nurse at my Dr. office made me an emergency appt with my dr. He prescribed Klonopin to start counteracting the withdrawals I was having and ORDERED me to take the Cymbalta as well. The Klonopin is fast acting, where Cymbalta takes several weeks to reach a therapeutic effect in your body. I was written out of work for 2 days (Thursday and Friday) and ordered to get myself back to where I had been. I can't tell you the train wreck I was. I came home, took the Klonopin and went to bed.

When I woke up 2 hours later, I was a new person. All the withdrawal effects were completely gone. I was so grateful to feel like me again. I apologized to my kids. I will be apologizing AGAIN, to my co-workers when i return to work tomorrow. I am grateful for good friends who stood by me when I was at my worst.

If you or anyone you know if prescribed this drug, think long and hard. I personally feel that it should be illegal. I have never been so close to the brink. I have a friend who actually knows someone who committed suicide when she chose to stop taking this same drug. Depression is an evil thing, but there are plenty of options out there. Do your research before putting anything into your body. I did. I thought they were all over dramatizing the withdrawal effects. Turns out, they weren't.

Depression Sucks.

2011-07-21T20:24:00.002-04:00

There, said it. After years of not really having any major symptoms of Depression, though being treated for it, it seems to have taken hold of me again and I am not happy about it at all.

It hits out of the blue. Or so it seems. I was sitting at work today and had the sneaking feeling that a panic attack was about to hit me. I managed to fight that off with some results but it left me feeling just icky. Can't put my finger on it. I just feel bad. No real reason. Harrison is doing great. Financially, we are better off than we have been in a long time. I just can't shake it.

Going to bed hoping tomorrow will be better. It is at least Friday, and payday.

I come to realize a few things about myself...

2011-07-13T14:21:00.004-04:00

A few weeks ago I decided that I would quit taking my 40 mg Prozac, cold turkey. I wasn't really sure what prompted the decision to do this. I had missed a dose and I think I just decided that I would give it a whirl. Well, what a mistake that turned out to be.

I felt like total crap for starters. Headaches, tired, flu like symptoms. I was moody, cranky, irritable. You name it. After being off for almost 3 weeks, I decided to restart the med's. I just couldn't take it anymore. It took about a week for me to see any real improvements in my mood and other physical symptoms.

Today, while sitting in my regular Therapy appt it hit me. I told him that I was basically just sick of feeling NOTHING. I swear I could watch someone get run down by a car and not shed a tear. I also realized that I wanted to feel as bad physically as I did mentally. Goal accomplished. Why, I wanted to feel this way, I am not sure. I will have to delve deeper into that one as time passes.

I have come to realize that I just need to be on meds. At least for a while. They are my friend. It was suggested to me, however, to back down on them a bit. So, I will finish my 40's then go down to 20. Hopefully it will be enough to keep me (somewhat) sane, but not so drugged that I am numb.

Can anyone out there relate to this?

Baby Bird

2011-07-11T21:52:00.004-04:00

My daughter found this baby bird today. I called the emergency clinic to see how to take care of it. It is now residing in a cage in a homemade "nest" and we are feeding it puppy food with a syringe. I hope he lives!!

10 Ways to Crazy

2011-07-03T09:48:00.002-04:00

Oh I woke up in rare form this morning. After almost three weeks of having stopped my Prozac 40mg cold turkey, I decided it was best if I start it back up again. I have been on it again for about a week. I missed it yesterday. I dont' know if that is what set me off, or if its just starting it up again after having stopped it. You see, I am convinced my family likes living in a pigsty of a house and when I woke up this morning to the mess that has been in the making for weeks and weeks, I just lost it. No one was safe from my rage. The dog was even giving me funny looks. She had contributed to the mess by pooping not 1 time but 5 times in my floor and then as if to add insult to injury, she puked as well.

My head feels like someone is squeezing it hard. My heart is racing. I am so angry!! My husband decided this moment was the time to go to the Bedford skatepark. The kids are off to church with my Mom and I am stuck here cleaning. The two times in the past two weeks that I decided to have a life, I got grief from the kids for leaving. Mom guilt kicked in big time. Trying to get my kids to pitch in an learn responsiblilty has been a nightmare. They don't get it. I am so ready to throw crap away and make their head spin.

Wow. I am not going to re-read this because I know it probably makes no sense. My husband already said i sounded like a crazed lunatic and all he was hearing was insanity. Maybe so. God how I wish the men in the white coats would come take me away and lock me up. That would be a wonderful vacation!! No worries.

The rant is done. Don't judge me based on this. It is what it is.

Gonna Pitch my Tent at PPC.

2011-06-30T20:08:00.006-04:00

I have spent the better part of the last year in and out of Dr's offices. Let me get specific... Psychologist/Psychiatrist offices. For me. For my son.

I have been diagnosed with Chronic Clinical Depression. I have been on and off of anti-depressants since I was 19. The most recent drug of choice (for about the past two years) is Prozac. I had been seeing the same Dr. since I was 19 and first diagnosed with Panic Disorder/Depression. I have complete and total respect for him. He got me thru the panic disorder and taught me some very valuable techniques for calming myself and working thru them. Recently, I have begun seeing another Dr. which is where I was diagnosed with the Chronic/Clinical Depression. Depression that lingers and just doesn't go away. Not necessiarly the kind that keeps you in the bed, but a general feeling of ickiness all the time. We are working thru it using the CBASP techinique. I'm doing ok.

Its my son I worry about non-stop. He has been treated for ADHD and Oppositional Defiant Disorder since the beginning of 1st grade. He is going into 4th in the fall. I have had earlier posts about this. I have been away from my blog for a while☺. I've been a little consumed with other things. He has been on numerous medicines since we started all of this. The latest ADHD drug of choice for him is Focalin XR. Its been going pretty well. I did decide to take him off of it for the summer, just to give his body a break, and to see how he did without it.

Attention wise, well, its summer. No need for a super long attention span. The impulsivity thoughand lack of control is another thing. We have recently been seeing violent outbursts from time to time. His Dr. thinks something else is at play. A possible mood disorder perhaps. They have just put him on a low low dose (0.5 mg) of Risperadone to help level his moods out. Its horrible to have your younger child afraid of the outbursts that she is usually the victim of. I am just trying to curb the Mom guilt that is at play all the time for having my child on such a strong drug with horrible "possible" side effects. As a Mother of a almost 10 year old and an 8 year old, I have learned that Mom Guilt is always present. I'm trying to deal.

He has been on the new med. for one week now. No dramatic improvements, but it's still too soon to tell.

As for me, I think i will just pitch a tent in the Shrinks office where we both go. I am there at minimum 1 time a week, in most cases, twice a week. I told them they needed a frequent flyer card!

I hope in time, we will both get what we need out of these many visits. I am learning quite a bit about myself, though its not always pleasant and sometimes I leave there feeling worse than I started. It's all part of the process. I don't want to live under the shadow of this depression one second longer than I have too. I hope that we also find what it is that will truly help my son realize his full potential both in and out of school.

For anyone out there that may read this, feel free to contact me to chat. That is one thing I have not been able to find... a support group for Oppositional Defiant Disorder and this Mood Disorder thing.

2009 in Review

2009-12-30T23:32:00.003-05:00

It is hard to believe that another year is coming to a close. Looking back, 2009 brought a lot of changes for me. Briefly, here is the rundown...

2009 didn't start out so well for us. My daycare business took a major blow the first half of the year. I just couldn't seem to hold onto kids in my business, then I had a psycho mom attack me about the care her kid was receiving in my home. Boy, that was DEFINITELY one I would like to forget. Unfortunately, I believe that her attack on my ability to care for children did a major number on my phone calls for new business. Oh well. Maybe it was a blessing in disguise. I am still waiting to see if that is true.

Chris's job started out shaky at best as well, but over the course of the year things have calmed down a little, though we did not get the bonus we usually get from his job this year.

I also blew my ONE New Years Resolution: To keep the checkbook balanced!!! Laughing my butt of right now at that one. I did well for a few months but as of today, I have not TOUCHED the checkbook since March 2009. That's why I don't make resolutions.

On a good note... we started Harrison on the Medicine for his ADHD that seemed to work. The combination of meds and therapy helped get him started in school this past fall on a good note and so far so good. He is making great strides in his education and is reading ABOVE grade level. A year ago, he was WELL BELOW grade level, so I am very proud of my boy. The difference a year can make is AMAZING and I thank GOD for that.

May brought about some major changes in my extended family. My cousin, who had suffered from MS passed away on Mothers Day. Fitting if you know the background here. At long last she was freed from her abusive husband, also freeing her three children from their TERRIBLE father. They are now in decent foster homes and we no longer have to deal with the crap their father dished out to my family (my Mother and Grandmother). May she rest in Peace FINALLY.

Summer brought about a much needed vacation to the beach and countless days spent at the pool. Due to my light daycare enrollment I was able to enjoy a few days at the pool with my two little friends and one of the Moms on occasion. By the end of summer though, it became clear to me that my daycare days were coming to an end and in August I decided to close my doors after 6 years of running my own business. It was with VERY mixed emotions that I made this move, but I am not looking back. I promptly sold ALL my daycare items and chose to move forward with whatever came my way. I'm still waiting.

I did find a job at Kroger first of all, then moved on to Target and substitute teaching during the day. I have found that Target is a wonderful place to work and I actually feel appreciated there for the first time EVER in a job. Sadly, the pay doesn't quite cover the bills I have but I am thankful to have a job of some sort when there are many who don't have anything at all right now. I am hanging on until something comes my way.

I have also managed to lose about 10 pounds these past few months. Not sure why, but I am not arguing there. I'll take it.

Finally, 2009 brought me a new bathroom FINALLY. After about 3 long years of waiting I am finally able to shower in my ALMOST finished bathroom. Its all cosmetic now... framing doors and windows, hanging towel bars, light fixtures, etc. but the SHOWER WORKS, as does the sink and toilet.

2009 has had its ups and downs but I guess I will be stronger for them in the end. I look back on all that has happened and embrace it for what it is. What doesn't kill us makes us stronger, right??? Here's to 2010!! I'm ready for all that it has to offer!!

The Season of Giving

2009-11-06T21:23:00.003-05:00

My family is struggling right now. After closing my childcare business of 6 years 2 months ago, I am still looking for full time employment and not finding it ANYWHERE!! I have been lucky enough to find two part time jobs... First at Kroger, which only lasted about 2 months, and currently at Target. I love it there. It is the first place I have actually worked that I feel appreciated for my contribution and the team building is phenomenal to say the least. OK, back to my point.

After months of financial struggles that show no sign up letting up anytime soon, having to depend on parents to provide your basic necessities, and begging for mercy to Social Services (of course we make about $100 too much a month to qualify for any assistance) I am trying to realize that others have it much worse than we do. We DO have a house, and clothing and food. We are lucky enough to be blessed with good health and jobs. Tonight, my kids and I watched the Operation Christmas Child video on Samaritan's Purse website. Our church is filling shoe boxes for this and we went to Target to get some items to donate. I wanted my kids to pick them out and then wanted them to see where the things would be going to so they would realize these are kids, just like them. They were very excited about their items going to one of the many kids that are in need around the world. Harrison and Maia need to see that other kids have NOTHING and that they have it really good, despite what they will lack this Holiday Season. With tight times, there will not be much under our tree this year, and that's OK.

This is a hard lesson to learn when you are use to having things you want and need without much thought to the cost. It is one that I am learning daily. Despite what I don't have, I actually DO HAVE quite a bit. In some ways, I would like to think that I am quite rich. I have great kids, a great husband, a great family and friends and I am healthy and able to work. I have a house, food, water, heat and clothing. I hope that I am able to share this in the coming months with my kids and really teach them the meaning of the Season.

Beginning of the End...

2009-08-08T23:40:00.002-04:00

So, after 6 long years in the childcare business I am having to close my doors and move on. I have mixed feelings about this. Let me explain...

I have a degree in Graphic Design. For many years I worked happily in the field for a variety of companies. Then the kids came along. I stuck it out for 18 months after Harrison was born but was quite miserable after a while, missing my baby while working for a boss that I didn't get along with all the time. Things got increasingly difficult when I became pregnant with Maia when Harrison was only 9 months old. I developed pre-eclampsia and was taken out of work. I made a decision then to quit my job and raise my two children. I took three months off with Maia and then went back to work for one month until I could get all my ducks in a row.

I developed a information packet of sorts for a childcare business and started getting my name out there. I was able to find kids to keep in my home and quit my design job when Maia was 3 months old. I never looked back. It has been a crazy 6 years. Full of ups and downs, highs and lows in the business. Crazy parents and GREAT parents. I have learned a lot about myself, my kids, other kids and what I am able to tolerate.

I am pretty sure the lagging economy is to blame for my lack of phone calls, but who can say for sure. Maybe God has a bigger plan for me and that is why this is all happening. About a week ago, I learned that Jenna, who I have had since she was 12 weeks old (she is now 2) will be going to a more organized preschool. I kind of expected it. Some people do choose to put their kids in a school setting very early, though I am not a fan of it. This kind of sealed the deal for me. I have not had phone calls for childcare in quite a while and other people I know in the business are also hurting for kids to keep. With my family already struggling quite a bit, it became VERY CLEAR what would have to happen.

I have had 6 good years at home with my kids. For that I am very Grateful. Those are years that I would NEVER be able to get back and though not all the times were good and I definitely lost a TON of potential income, it was all well worth it to see my kids thru the early developmental years. They are now going into 1st and 2nd grades.

So, the job search begins. It is scary for me. I have been home for 6 years working with children. I have learned patience galore. I have become the master multi-tasker. I am a jack of all trades. I know I have skills, but when certain skill sets lay dormant for so long you have to wonder how they will come back to you. I feel like a fish out of water. Out of my comfort zone. YET, I am excited at the same time. Mostly, right now, I am very nervous about where my next paycheck will come from and just how low my family will sink into financial despair before we are able to pull ourselves back up from it.

There is a new career for me out there somewhere. I am on a quest to find it... Relying heavily on my faith...shutting no doors that are open to me. I am in contact with people from my past again and I have to wonder if there is a reason for it. I have not sought these people out. They have found me. Or we have found each other. Gods hand at work? I would like to think so. Some of these people have some very high up positions or are very well connected. I will try to put the patience I have learned over the 6 years to work for me now. It will take all I have to get thru the next few weeks. Stay tuned...

Moments of Sweetness

2009-07-08T10:11:00.003-04:00

They are very short lived, those little moments that make you tear up with an unparalleled joy that makes your heart just burst with pride! I had one of those moments last night. As I was putting the kids to bed (they both sleep in Maia's room), Harrison went and got his youth Bible and I found him and Maia laying in her bed and he was reading it to her. I almost wept. So sweet. I just HAD to get a photo of this moment before it was gone. Photo quality is not all that great, but I had to act quickly. Like I said, these moments come and go very quickly!

Pet Torture

2009-07-08T10:06:00.003-04:00

Maia and Harrison have been at Church Day camp all week. Tuesday, they came home with little hats they had made for Louie and Max. Surprisingly, the cats were very cooperative while they were being held down to have the hats put on their heads. I didn't get a photo of Max; Maia never got it on his head. Harrison did manage to get the hat, complete with chin strap, on Louie. He looks REAL amused, doesn't he??

The Art of Being Busy

2009-07-02T16:06:00.009-04:00

I just read a great article shared with me by a facebook friend. Take a look. I know a bunch of Moms this applies too. I have often wondered how they keep up. They make me feel inferior. They are the Moms that are always involved in something; school, charity, church, sports, friends, dating their husband, being the best mom, soccer mom. Do I really need to continue? On top of all that they bake, cook, clean, sew, do crafts and have an immaculate house to boot. Some of these women are some of my best friends. If you are reading this, you know who you are. Don't take this the wrong way. I do not hold it against you. You amaze me. BUT this article really does get to the heart of the matter.

I work from home running a daycare. I think most people think that because I stay home, oh, excuse me, sit at home all day doing nothing, that I should be able to have a neat and tidy house. That dinner should be ready, clothes and dishes should be washed and put away, etc. I do manage to "manage" all the appointments, but bills sometimes get overlooked in the mix of everything else I have to do. Yes, I am a busy Mom too. But I can promise that I am not trying to compete with other supermoms out there who seem to be able to do it all with grace. Most days, I'm doing good to get a shower and put on decent clothes by dinner time. I am slowly learning how to say "no" when asked to do/participate in/take part of/attend something that I just don't feel compelled to do. Sometimes, it really is because I have other plans, but more than not, it is just because I can't take one more thing on me that is not something that I am not 100% wanting to do. I have had to bow out of Relay for Life events this spring, I have missed parties and other events, church activities and the like that I just am not into whole-hearted. If I can't do it joyfully, I would just rather not do it at all.

I do hear alot of other Moms saying how busy they are. You ask to have lunch with someone (I am not really speaking of any particular incident), just hang out with someone, meet someone for drinks/shopping/a movie, and you get "oh, if I weren't so busy doing X, Y, and Z then I would love too. Sometimes I wonder if we have really moved away from the simple life and are trying to outdo each other as Mothers, like the article states. Everyone is trying to keep up with the next person who seems to have it all together. I can PROMISE you that there are not many people out there trying to keep up with me. I have looked at these women and asked myself how they manage to do and have it all. Do they really really want to be that way? Are they in some sort of competition with the next person? Are they REALLY happy being this way and doing that much?

I would love to hear other thoughts on this, if you are not to busy to drop me a line!

I Suddenly Understand Myself a Whole Lot Better...

2009-06-30T17:01:00.003-04:00

... and here's why. My whole dang family is a nut case waiting to happen!! I love them all but good grief. Give me a break already. I have been told that I was basically a disappointment for going to college to get $50K in debt for a degree that I no longer use. That I sit home on my butt all day keeping kids and that I would never be forgiven for that. Nice. I have been told to go get a job that pays better, that is more secure, that is stable, that is outside the home, etc. BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH. Does that even exist??? Really. Show me a decent paying job that is secure in this day and age where a 6 year out of experience washed up graphic designer would be happy and I will PAY YOU to send them my resume. I don't like corporate America. I have ZERO desire to go there EVER AGAIN.

Is my job all fun and games? No. Is any job? No. Unless you are just plain crazy. I guess there are people who really love their work. I, personally, get my satisfaction from things outside of my job, no matter what that may be. My family, my kids, my friends, my free time. You know. A job is a job is a job. It pays the bills. Period. I don't know why my chosen career has been such a source of contention among my family. Did I gripe and tell my brothers what losers they would be if they didn't get a college education? NO! Do I tell my younger brother that he needs to wake up and smell the coffee and quit living the high life at home with Mom and Dad? NO. I won't divulge all our family "secrets" here, but I just had to get this off my chest.

For everyone reading this... I may be overweight, underpaid, broke most of the time and have a three year old bathroom renovation in progress, but I am overall VERY HAPPY. 97% of the time. I think that is pretty good odds myself.

I have a few gripes. I would like to see more of my friends. We see each other far too infrequently. But people get busy and life moves on. I woke up a few weeks ago and DAMN! I was 37! My friends we hung out with last night have a daughter that is almost the age we were when I first met them. Give or take a few years. I clearly remember when my Mom was the age I am now. CLEARLY. Scary. I don't have time to spend one more second of my life wondering what I could have done differently.

I make a choice 6 years ago to give up my career, temporarily or not, to stay home and be a mother. I have NEVER regretted it. It has not always been easy, financially speaking. But I raised my kids. I saw them get to where they are. I was here when they needed me. I wouldn't trade that for anything. Why is this something to have to be "forgiven" for??

As for the help that we have been given. Don't give it with strings attached. That's not cool. I have not asked for it so don't give it with strings. It's just not worth it.

I am not sorry I have disappointed the people closest to me in my life. Not my problem. I don't get what they have a problem with myself. I think I have done pretty well for myself considering I have ALWAYS held a job from the day I turned 16. Hell, sometimes i even had two and three jobs all while going to school. More than I can say for most people. My husband has always worked. He doesn't make a ton of money but he works. Two jobs. Our kids are well adjusted and happy. They know they are loved and can count on us, as their parents to be there. Isn't that how success should be measured? My true friends love me rich or poor. They are there when I need them and they know who they are. I am thankful for you all.

As for me, I understand why I am the way I am now. I kinda like me. As for forgiveness for my shortcomings? I don't want it or need it.

Build A Bear Fun

2009-06-26T09:39:00.007-04:00

Maia's Daisy Troop went to Chuck E Cheese and Build a Bear last weekend. It was how they chose to spend their cookie sale profits. Well, at least some of it. The rest will remain in the account for next year. Here are some photos from the day.

picking outfits for the dog and bunny. I really really wish I had been the inventor of this store! The stinking underwear for the bunny cost me $3.50!! He's laughing all the way to the bank!!!

Doing the dance they do when you put the heart in the animal.

Maia giving her bunny a good scrub down and brushing.

Three girls with their creations.

Chuck-E-Cheese with funny mouse mouth cups. These cracked me up!

Boy, we had fun but I am soooooo glad we don't have one of these in town or we would be broke!

Maia eating her dippin dots. She loves these! Again, I am soooo glad we don't have this place in our hometown!

Having an Only Child...

2009-06-22T20:33:00.004-04:00

...must be dull. No offense to all my dear friends out there. Let me explain. Sunday, Harrison left with my parents and his cousin Ethan to go camping for a week. It is just Chris, Maia and myself until Maia and I travel to where they are on Friday to meet them and camp for the weekend. I have too much free time and it is waaaaayyyyyyy to quiet. Maia, on the other hand, is enjoying all the one on one attention. She did say she misses him in the mornings and that it is lonely. They really do love each other even though they spend half the time trying to inflict bodily harm upon each other. Personally, I can't wait to see my baby boy again on Friday!!

Louies New House

2009-06-18T17:04:00.002-04:00

My dad made this cat condo for his "baby" Minnie, but she seems to have outgrown it. He brought it over for my cats. Louie loved his new house!!

Hose Fun

2009-06-18T16:51:00.006-04:00

The first hot, sunny day in almost a week warranted a little cooling off, hose style...

Time to Move on...

2009-06-11T21:04:00.007-04:00

Wednesday I attended my kids awards ceremony at TCM. I knew they were getting a reading award but wasn't expecting the others. Maia and Harrison both got perfect attendance for the year. I had NO idea. How cool!! Maia also got the Rocket Math award for meeting her goal in addition. Harrison's class won the recycle challenge that the school did. It was a great day for them! I was so proud of both of them. It has been a rough, but overall good year academically for Harrison. He started out way below where he should be and once he was diagnosed ADHD and properly medicated, the jump in his academic progress was astounding. He is now reading on a second grade level, versus the K. level he was at in November. We just need to iron out the kinks. Harrison on the far left in the brown and blue, and Maia striking a pose for me, receiving their Perfect Attendance Awards.

After the awards, I went to each class and distributed the teacher gifts. I was able to snap a photo of Harrison and Maia with their teachers. Mrs. Webb really seemed to like her gift. She is SUCH a great teacher! I cannot say enough about this woman. The kids adore her and she makes everything a lesson. It is amazing. Here are some photos from the day.

Maia with Mrs. Webb, before she gave her the gift.

Mrs. Webb, showing the class her flower pot. Even here, she was teaching them.

Mrs. Webb giving Maia a high five for the Kindergarten Rocks Tee shirt. I love this photo.

Mrs. Webb was the ONLY teacher I EVER saw eating lunch with her kids EVERY DAY! I thought this was so awesome! Her daughter, Nettie Jo, is in the yellow shirt.

Mrs. Webb, Bria, and Megan watching Maia being silly with her pizza.

Harrison acting shy, with his teacher, Mrs. Hudson. He finished up with an overall great year. Again, its all about the kinks...

I got them to pose today, Thursday June 11, for the last day of school shot! My how they have grown this year!!

Teacher Gifts

2009-06-09T22:43:00.005-04:00

End of the year equals teacher gifts to be made. Here is what I came up with.

The insert for the flower pot, which were $1 at AC Moore. Grass stickers, finger print butterflies by the kids, school photos and ABC stickers.

The insert in the pot. This one is Maia's for her teachers.

And Harrison's for his teachers.

finish the pot with a bag of potting soil tied up all nice and pretty, a wooden planter sign with the type of seed, and a packet of "Forget-Me-Nots" seeds and you are all set! All for less than $5 a gift. Hopefully the teachers will like it.

Popsicle sticks and a $.39 wooden sign painted white make up the sign.

Mrs. Webb, because she is so awesome, got the best gift. We LOOOOOOVVVVVEEEEE her. She Always says "....(fill in the blank here) Rocks!" She tells the kids they rock when they are successful in school, etc. You get the idea. Maia has a Kindergarten Rocks Tee shirt I made for her, so we made Mrs. Webb one too. Iron on letters for $2 for the entire sheet and the tee shirt was $2 on sale at AC Moore. The mini tote bag (this was TOTALLY Maia's idea!) was $1.39. I hope she likes her gift!

Breathe Deep and Count to 10...

2009-06-09T21:50:00.010-04:00

I had to do that several times today. I visited my son and daughter's school for field day. I knew that Harrison would be missing a portion of the activities for his behavior in the past few weeks. I sought out my daughters class and had a great time with her class. Then I went to look for Harrison's class. I found them, minus Harrison. I spoke with the teacher to find out that he was in the office doing PILES of work that he had been refusing to do. I also learned that when he was asked to take his work out of his desk and get busy so he could eventually join the class for field day, he refused and put his head down. She told me that she turned up his desk and dumped it in the floor. He later told me he was embarrassed by this and all his friends laughed. This is a young teacher. For the most part, I have not had any issues with her. I like her and she has been really good at keeping me posted. That is why the next part of this was so hard for me to handle.

I hang out with Maia a bit more then decide to head inside to see Harrison and how much progress he was making on his work. ( I'll interject here to say that he had already earned some of field day so I was not too cool with the fact that all of that had been undone and his reward of earning some taken away.) When I got to the auditorium where he was at, there he was laying in the floor with PILES and PILES of work. OK, now when I was told that he was doing work he had refused to do, I was thinking a weeks worth at best. What I found was at least a months worth. This was work he should have been doing independently. My concern was that WHY was I not told before now? Didn't she realize that he was not turning in his work? How did it get so out of hand? I just don't understand how this happened. I could have been working with him at home to make it up. He should have been missing rewards/recess/fun things all along, not the last three days of school. I was so angry and upset. I felt awful for Harrison sitting there alone while his entire class and the entire school for that matter was out having fun. I am NOT dismissing what he did. But she is the teacher and I should have been told before it got out of hand. He is a 7 year old boy with a disability. Who's in charge here?

They tell me he doesn't qualify for the 504/IEP, whatever, because his learning is not being impacted by his disability. Uhhh, i think I would have to disagree after today. He told me when he got home from school that he had been stuffing papers in his desk since day 1 in first grade. I have called the school and demanded a child study be conducted ASAP and If I have too, I will be that parent that teachers loathe. I am my sons only advocate. I have to see that he gets what he needs, that he doesn't fall through the cracks. For Goodness sake, I pay my taxes! I know my rights. Something WILL be done about this.

On another note, Maia had a GREAT field day. Here are some photos from the day!

Maia throwing a pass!!

The girls! Katera, Maia, Bria, Grace, Maggie, Chloe, and Megan.

My girl doing the limbo. Her all time favorite game!

She won!! She is so good at this game, even on skates!

Maia and teacher extraordinaire, Mrs. Webb. I only wish Harrison could have had her. She use to teach 2nd grade. This was her first year in Kindergarten.

This is how Harrison spent most of the day. The photo doesn't do this pile of work justice.

Dangers of Motherhood

2009-06-05T09:25:00.003-04:00

Boy, there are times when being a Mom really does a number on your self-esteem and self worth. Maybe it is just me and my need to be in control of every situation and my tendency to react very quickly at situations that arise. Maybe it is because I myself am under the guidance and care of a psychologist. That says it all really. Am I mentally stable? Well, sure I am, but i have a tendency to take a situation and blow it up into more than it probably really is. Things also tend to depress me very quickly.

My past few blogs have been about my son and the issues we have faced this school year. It has been quite a ride for all of us. Teachers, Principals, Maia, Chris, myself and anyone else involved with my family. This blog will not be any different. Sorry. If you don't like it, stop reading now. This blog has become quite a good form of therapy for me.

Thursday, yesterday, I got a call at about 1:30 from the Principal at the school my kids go to. She had Harrison in her office. Seems that a few boys at lunch thought it would be a good idea to pretend to choke themselves and Harrison thought it to be an even better idea to pretend to choke another classmate. With the zero tolerance they have in school these days, you can just imagine why this was a BAD CHOICE for Harrison to make. He was sent to the principal who asked him why he did this and if he knew what happened when you choked someone. His answers were "because I wanted too" and "they turn blue and suffocate" respectively. I was instructed to come pick him up from school immediately for an overnight suspension. This was no easy feat for me to do since my Mom had just gotten out of work and I had four sleeping toddlers in my house. After some work, my Mom was at the house and I was on my way to the school. NOT HAPPY!

The therapist we see for Harrison told me to INSIST on a 504 plan for him for next year or to instruct the school to QUIT calling me about his behavior. I have tried and begged and pleaded to get this for him and have had wall after wall put up. I am doing everything in my power to help my son get thru this but I am not getting a lot of help from the school system. I know it is the end of school but I am tired of having to handle the issue from afar when they need to find a better way to handle it. He WANTS to come home. He tells me that is why he can't behave... because he misses me. SO DON'T send him home. That is NOT punishment. I am not really blaming the teachers or staff. As a whole, I adore his school and all the staff I have had dealings with. I am not blaming anyone. It is just very frustrating when you try to help your child be successful and keep running into walls.

I spent most of last night feeling really crappy about all of this. Where had I gone wrong? Why can I not seem to handle this? I ate LOTS of chocolate. It is hard as a Mom to deal with all of this. I KNOW that Harrison is NOT the child that chokes people on purpose. I know it was not malicious when it was done. How do you help a child like this? I have so many questions and not many answers. I hope today is better for Harrison. I am waiting on my call back from the principal while he is at school today. To discuss the 504 and other modifications that can be made for next year. Stay tuned.

God Give Me the Strength...

2009-06-01T09:07:00.004-04:00

... to make it thru the last 9 days of school. I know, a lot of parents dread the end of school because it means no more free time if you don't work and if you do, then you have to find someone to take care of your kids. Well, I am on the other side of this fence.

This has been a rocky year for Harrison. He started out his 1st grade year below grade level on his tests (PALS) and after few months he was diagnosed ADHD (With Oppositional Defiant Disorder). We have known about the ODD for a while, though it was never really treated until now. It was kind of an unofficial diagnosis a few years ago by a therapist I wasn't wild about. After starting Harrison on Vyvanse we saw such dramatic improvements I was foolish enough to believe our problems were solved. Such a newbie I was to ADHD then. Oh, they were only just beginning.

Previous posts outline some of this so I won't rehash all that, but after bouncing around on a variety of med's, we finally sought counsel from Dr. K Rooney and now have Harrison on Strattera. It has been about 3 months on this one, with no side effects that we can see. However, I am not sure that it is working all that well. When we started this medicine, it was almost as if the ODD symptoms were exaggerated. I started getting emails and phone calls from Harrison's first grade teacher, the principal, a referral from the bus driver, then another from his teacher. Oh the list goes on. Basically, he is being disruptive, uncooperative, mean on occasion (tripping kids and laughing, pushing kids, throwing mulch on the playground), and just generally a pain in the ass if I can say that about my own child. I literally get anxiety attacks when i see the school phone number pop up on my caller ID or I see an email from his teacher in my in box.

Yes, I am his mother, and I love him no matter what. He is my firstborn and my baby boy. Nothing will change that. I hate to see him struggle so much. It kills me a little at a time. I know that he is a very sweet and loving child. He just has to learn to deal with all this that is going on inside of him. We are seeking the advice from yet another therapist and I feel confident that he will be able to help us where the other one couldn't. That is why I am glad school is almost out. I will be able to breathe much easier knowing that that phone call won't be coming or the emails. It will also give us several months to work with the therapist we see every other week, to hopefully address these issues and make some progress before Harrison enters the second grade.

ADHD is so often misunderstood. I was guilty of it once. Over diagnosed, over medicated, etc. the list goes on. BUT, now that I am faced with it head on, it is very hard to deal with and yes, very misunderstood. These kids are not just trying to be hard to deal with, they literally cannot control themselves. They don't have the ability to learn from their past mistakes, which explains why charts don't work, and normal behavioral techniques don't work either. This explains why Harrison went to the Principals office, was talked to by her and sent on his way, then ended up there again not even 10 minutes later for the same thing. We are learning to deal with this with the help of our therapist. To teach Harrison how to handle things in a different way.

So, yes, I am grateful summer is upon us and school is out. I know there will be some rough patches to deal with this summer, but I am hopeful that this summer will provide Harrison the turning point he needs to start 2nd grade off on a different foot.

Blessings in Disguise

2009-05-12T21:35:00.002-04:00

Its funny how things that seem bad at the time are actually blessings in disguise. I have had some things happen to me recently, mostly things in my daycare business. I won't go into detail, but lets just say that it has helped me to become a MUCH BETTER daycare provider. I did nothing wrong, but was wrongly accused of some things that really upset me. Long story short, the woman was completely crazy, but it did make me appreciate my other parents that much more and to really step back and see what I could improve upon in my business. Bottom line... I really do love these kids I keep and have found that I do really enjoy my job much more so than I had orignally thought. I guess I just didn't appreciate what I had until now. I am blessed to have three full time kids and one part timer all with wonderful parents who respect and appreciate me for taking care of their kids. Who could ask for more??

Mothers Day and My Cousin Belinda

2009-05-11T08:50:00.007-04:00

Yesterday was Mother's Day. It started off with a 8am phone call from my Mom telling me my cousin, Belinda 44, had died that morning around 6am. She had been in a nursing home for a year or more (don't recall just how long it was) with MS. Late last week, she had developed Pneumonia and it had been touch and go all weekend. Its funny how you can sense things, but I knew before I even saw who was calling that it was my Mom and what the phone call was about.

Chris and Harrison were camping with the boy scouts, so it was just Maia and me curled up in my bed snoozing away. I have to say, that while I will miss her, I have not known my cousin in a long time. I grew up pretty close to her. She and her sister lived two houses down from us all our young lives. Their Mom, my Mom's sister, passed away from breast cancer when she was 40 years old. The daughters were just teenagers then. (It seemed fitting that Belinda went to be with her Mom on Mothers Day. ) Belinda coached several local swim teams as a young adult and introduced me to my first boyfriend when I was 14. I remember a lot of fun times with her as a child and teenager.

Then she met Dale. First class loser that he is. Belinda has a son, Ryan from a previous relationship. He now has young kids of his own. Dale's presence in their lives just totally turned things upside down. They had three kids, who are now young teenagers. He was a drunk, unemployed and pretty much a worthless freeloader who took my cousins life and basically destroyed it. Destroyed the relationship Belinda had with Ryan and those around her as well. I could write a book with things I know of their life together. Long story short, he abused her and the children, both verbally and mentally. Not sure about the physical part.

After Belinda became bedridden from the MS, the kids were removed on several occasions by Social Services. Dale is not fit to be a parent. I must say, they did better in the system than they were doing at home. After she was placed in the nursing home, he was able to clean up his act enough to fool the Social Workers and get the kids back for a short time, but a few weeks ago he disappeared with them for a couple of weeks. They were not in school at this time. He broke all sorts of laws when he took them. The kids are now back in the system. The were notified by the social worker that their Mother had died. My heart broke for them. Family members cannot contact them at this time. They were alone, with strangers, when they were told the news. I just cannot imagine. Dale will not be told that his "wife" has died. He will read it in the paper along with the rest of Lynchburg. He is not worthy of being told. We are hoping a protective order will be in place to prevent him from attending the funeral. What a mess.

I was able to have a good Mother's Day, despite all of this. I felt for my Mom and Grandmother, as well as Belinda's immediate family. My heart aches for her children, who have suffered so much in their short lives. I hope that they will be able to go forward from this and grow into productive, strong adults. I hope they learn from what they saw as children and take that with them into their adult lives to make a better life for themselves and their families to be. It made me thankful for my husband and children. They are not perfect but they love me and I love them. We work through our troubles and are committed to being a family no matter what. I hope that my cousin had a wonderful first Mother's Day in Heaven with her Mommy. I hope all of you reading this also had a wonderful Mother's Day.

Bullies

2009-04-09T21:38:00.002-04:00

This post was triggered by my 17 year old nephew's issue at school today. He is a good kid. Not malicious at all. Problem is, he is bigger than most kids his age and he gets picked on quite frequently by kids that for one reason or another, think they are better than him, cooler than him, etc. Today, he was being bullied, verbally, I assume, by these kids. Not the first time. It is a pretty regular occurrence with him. He had had enough and he snapped and lashed out, again, verbally, at the bullys. He threatened them and said they were the reason he had to be on medicine (he is also ADHD and I believe takes and antidepressant as well) and he was going to shoot them, or something to that effect.

OK, here is the thing. He was wrong. He should be punished. I am not saying anything to the contrary. The problem I have is that the kids who instigated it all NEVER get punished. These bullies are the reason kids go berserk and end up killing kids a la Columbine style, and all the other types of things that have happened in the schools. If there is zero tolerance for talk of guns and killing and shooting, then there should be ZERO TOLERANCE for the kids who run their mouths and do the bullying in the first place. They should be punished just as severely as my Nephew is going to be punished. PERIOD. No tolerance. NONE. Anyone else have an opinion on this?

A Good Day for Harrison

2009-04-09T21:36:00.002-04:00

I have two posts today. First of all, while it was an overall crappy day for me, it dramatically improved this evening when I reached into Harrison's backpack for the dreaded journal where he records how his day was in school that day and where his puzzle piece moved to on the behavior chart. The teacher usually writes a little note too. The note from her today said that Harrison had his best day in a long time!! I was so excited and proud of him. I hope this trend continues or at least becomes the one we see the most. Way to go Harrison!!

New Med's for my 7 Year Old

2009-04-07T09:20:00.003-04:00

Monday we had our monthly visit to Dr. Rooney at PPC. She wanted to know how the Strattera was working and to get a weight check on Harrison. He had gained some of his lost weight back, which is good. Overall the report was good. The Strattera seems to be working well enough for us to continue on it at a higher dose. She will gradually increase his dose until the max dose is reached for his size.

Still, the main concern for us is sleep. He seems to have developed this fear or anxiety over going to bed in his bed at night. The child who use to beg or bedtime at 7:30 is now up late most nights. Not only is his sleep being affected but his sister is also suffering. He refuses to stay out of her room and insists on sleeping with her even though we have tried everything we can think of to keep him out of her room. Sensory Hallucinations were mentioned to me following my original post on the subject two blogs ago. Perhaps. Scary stuff. Dr. Rooney prescribed Clonidine to help us with that one. She hopes that if we can break the habit and get him past his anxiety of sleeping in his own bed we can then discontinue use of the Clonidine. Last night, after giving him the Clonidine he did go fast asleep in his bed, but at some point, he still managed to end up in her room. Frustration!!!

I also had a visit yesterday with my therapist. A full day of shrinks! Fun times. He told me that Harrison is physically and mentally incapable of controlling himself until the meds are straight. His biochemistry is so whacked right now that it is not possible. His hope was that if we get the meds straight, the behavior will be easier to control and will all but correct itself in the most part. Until then, I have been advised to keep on keeping on and to try to remain calm and to psychologically distance myself from Harrison as to provide a relapse for me into depression. How do you do this? He told me you don't want H. to know or feel this distance. Any one have a clue about this?

Anyway. This morning was OK. I am hoping H. has a good day at school. Any mom's or dad's out there dealing with this, please contact me! There is little by way of support groups for parents dealing with this and as I am finding out, it is not an easy thing to live with. So little is said about it. No one wants to talk. I guess it is the stigma attached to it. The thought that they should be able to control themselves and that its bad parenting, lazy parenting, just an excuse for bad behavior, blah blah blah. WRONG. Let's talk people!

A Good Day

2009-04-05T00:29:00.002-04:00

Today was a good day for us. In particular my son. My sweet boy, my firstborn. I don't know if it is a coincidence, or if it is that magical two week mark I have been waiting for for the Strattera to start working at its max potential. Whatever it was, I'll take it, if only for a day. I am hoping it is the beginning of better days for Harrison and yes, Me, as well as the rest of the family.

We started off at Soccer. The first game. He was a model child and played a great game, even scoring a goal. Then he spent the day with his Grammie Toler, until he was returned to me for a birthday party. That is a long day for a child and he managed it so incredibly well! I am so proud of him. After the party, we headed to my moms house to spend some time with her and my Dog-in-law to be Jose. He's a chihuahua and the cutest you will ever see! Harrison and Maia ran around the yard with the dog and got plenty of play time in. Dinner was eaten, and then we headed downtown to the Riverfront Skatepark where Chris works part-time. We hung out there for a bit before heading home around 8:20 to get baths and ready for bed. Bedtime was NO Drama at all. Went to sleep without any excessive chatter between my two angels.

Still trying to conquer the sleep issues he has developed. He is refusing to sleep in his bed. He wants to sleep in my bed or with his sister in the twin bed in her room. They both have twin beds. I don't know how they sleep that way. I can't get out of him why he is afraid of his room so much. He rarely sets foot in there these days. I have my concerns and questions about it and will address them on Monday when we revisit the psychiatrist for a med check.

So, today, I got a glimpse of my son. The boy I know he is under all the funky stuff going on inside of him. I hope that he will stay with us for a while.

Life's Trials

2009-04-01T16:50:00.002-04:00

My hubby didn't really want me to post about our trials with ADHD, but I feel I must. My 7 year old son, Harrison, was diagnosed in early December. It has been a rough road. Since then, we have tried 4 different medicines and are still looking for the right one. I know, some people out there don't believe in medicating children for this and think it is over diagnosed. I used to be one of those people. BUT, when you watch your child struggle it is hard to not do all you can to help them. This question was asked of me... "would you deny a hearing impaired child a hearing aid? A crippled child a wheelchair?" The answer is no. That question ended my fear of medicating my son.

We started on Vyvanse 30mg and immediately got tremendous results. He went from below 1st grade level in school to right on track in a matter of weeks. He had struggled with reading, and he is now reading chapter books, in a mere months. The improvements were almost too good to be true. I remember crying tears of joy when I spoke with the teacher that first day, hearing how well he had done and how proud he was of himself. She said it was as if a light had been turned on for him. The good news didn't last for long.

He began having MAJOR sleep issues and lost a huge amount of weight the first month. Both side effects of the medicine. The sleep issue was my main concern, because after a month of so so sleep we had an entire different set of problems to deal with, all due to lack of sleep. I know how I get when I miss a few hours, so I could only imagine how he must be feeling after a month of struggles. So, we decided to switch medications, to Adderall XR. Whoa! What a mistake that proved to be. After two weeks, I didn't recognize my son. He was mean, aggressive and very hostile. Hard to handle. Ugly faces, actions, words. Too much for me to deal with, AND, he still wasn't sleeping. We decided to try the Vyvanse at a lower dose, 20mg, the lowest they make. Since we had initially had great results with that, we figured it was worth a shot.

We stuck with that for another month or so but still did not see the results we were hoping to see. In the meantime, Mommy was having a breakdown. It is very very hard to watch your child struggle like I had been doing for the past few months. The medicine was now working against us. He had bigger issues now than when we started. We decided to seek counsel from a Psychiatrist.

After our meeting with Dr. Rooney, I felt confident that we would find a solution and the right medicine for Harrison. We tried the Daytrana patch at a 10mg dose. What a pain the the butt they ended up being. Hard to use and, again, we did not get the desired results. It was suggested to me that stimulant medications may not be the way to go for Harrison. That brings us up to date. We are now on Strattera 10mg. He is calm. He is close to being the little boy I know again. BUT, still some struggles in school.

It is hard being the parent of a child with ADHD. There are no support groups that I can find in the area and for the longest time I have felt so alone in this struggle. I have since found some friends who are also dealing with this and that has helped. That is why I have decided to go against the wishes of my husband and post this blog. I know there are tons of Moms out there dealing with this. If this reaches even one person that it can help or connect me too, then it was not in vain.

As for us, we are still struggling. It is a daily battle, but one we hope to win soon. I don't regret my decision to start the med's for Harrison, we just have to find the one that works best for him. In the meantime, I will keep on keeping on.

Maia age 5

2009-03-09T22:45:00.001-04:00

View Project at Shutterfly

A Little Math

2009-03-02T19:07:00.004-05:00

THIS...

MINUS this...

PLUS this...

EQUALS this...

Just look at that attention to detail....

This was several months ago, and I still have the prints to prove it. I have tried everything to remove the cute little footprints left by my darling and her friend, to no avail. Lesson learned. WATCH THEM AT ALL TIMES or this is what you get!!!

I Want...A Big Stick to Smack That Woman of 14 With

2009-02-10T23:02:00.002-05:00

OK, I don't normally like to be overly hostile on my blog, but the story that is on the news right now about the woman who gave birth to 8 and already had 6 kids really burns me up. First off, she is SINGLE. I am all about a single mom doing it solo. That's cool. But single, unemployed, living with her mom and dad in a 3 bedroom house and 3 of the 6 kids are disabled and collect disability?? COME ON! The doctor should be held accountable, she should be evaluated by a good therapist and her parents need to put their foot down and make her take responsibility for her life. Social services should DEFINITELY intervene here. What kind of life will all those innocent children have? She was irresponsible, selfish and just plain stupid to have that many kids. She has no way to care for them. Taxpayers are paying the price for her stupidity. She collects over $400 in food stamps a month. That is more than my ENTIRE grocery bill for the month. Who pays for that? We do. The taxpayers. Is she hoping someone will step up like they do for so many of the multiple birth cases and give her handouts? Well, they might, because we are talking about innocent children. I think she should be locked up. I can't even stand to watch it on the news. It gets my blood boiling. OK, off the soap box now. Gotta go to bed. Just had to get that off my chest.

I Want... A Do Over

2009-02-08T00:50:00.003-05:00

As in a weekend do over. Another Saturday, another Sunday, filled with absolutely NOTHING. Seems as if the older my kids get the busier I get, running here and there. It is exhausting. No wonder my house looks the way it does. I am never home to take care of business when I am in the mood to do it. Oh well. They are only little once, right? I guess I may as well kick back and try to enjoy every last moment of the insanity before it is gone.

On that note, I also wouldn't mind a do over with my babies in their baby days. Looking at some old photo albums tonight really brought home how fast my babies are growing up. The sweet smell of them and the total dependency on me. I miss it. They grow up too fast. I would cherish all the sleepless nights and just hold them close. I would relish every new thing they discovered and all the firsts. I missed so much with Harrison because I was working. It seems as if I blinked and he was a toddler, now a young boy in school. I am trying to stop now and really enjoy them, but when they act up it is hard to not wish it away. I know in another few years I will also be wanting a do over of this age, even though it is hard at times to deal with behavior and all the craziness. I lay in bed with Maia last night and just snuggled her and stroked her cheek because she was having a hard time going to sleep. There was no place I would have rather been at that moment either. Harrison also had a hard time and wanted me to crawl in bed with him at 8pm. I did. I found a good movie on and just had a chill night. I am sure there won't be many more of those moments. I am going to try to stop in my tracks at times and really enjoy those special times before they are gone. We all know we don't get a "do over". What will you do to make these times last just a little bit longer??

I Want...A Magic Wand

2009-02-06T20:55:00.002-05:00

Yep, you should have seen it coming. I want a magic wand. I could really do some stuff with one of those. I wouldn't do anything crazy but I would make my student loans disappear, pad the bank account just a bit, cure any illness in my family or family of close friends, and give my house a good once over to make it the way I dreamed it could be when we bought it almost 6 years ago. I would also restore this messed up economy and get jobs back to people who need them. I would get Chris a new car, for a change. He always gets the bum deal in the car department. I would hook my van up with an alignment so I don't wear out the new tires I got this past summer. I would give my mom the larger kitchen she has always wanted. So much I could do to help others and us too. But, alas, I don't have a magic wand, and don't think that I will ever get one, so I might as well get over that crazy fantasy and just keep on truckin'.

I Want...The Ability to Know the Right Thing to do and Say in a Given Situation.

2009-02-05T10:52:00.003-05:00

I have had several times this week where if I had someone instructing me on the right thing to say and/or do in certain situations, the end result may have been different. Mostly, these situations revolve around my children. For example, when my 7 year old is up until midnight and is basically wanting me to go get in my bed with him when all I want to do is take care of my business that I don't get to during the day. Would it have made a difference if I had put aside what I was doing to climb in bed with him at 9pm? Maybe so, maybe not. Hard to say. He may have gone to bed before midnight, but what lesson does that teach him? Running a daycare, I have very little time that I can sit and do exactly what I am doing now. The evening is MY TIME to have a little adult time and kick back and relax and not worry about the little people in my life that should be sleeping. Don't get me wrong. I LOVE to cuddle with my kids. BUT this is something we have been dealing with with him for some time now. It gets old real quick. I feel manipulated in a way. This also holds true for his general behavior at times. It gets hard to know what to do when they are acting out. Parenting is rough, people! ROUGH!

The other situation that came up is a friend in need. I wish I knew what to say to someone who is obviously distraught over a situation and calls in tears. I NEVER seem to know how to handle this, other than to just listen. It breaks my heart that there is NOTHING I can do to help the person on the other end of the phone (it was a phone call I got late one evening). I feel so helpless in this kind of situation. I want a magic want to fix things up just so! Oh wait! That can be another want for another day!!

I Want... A Good Night's Sleep

2009-02-04T17:46:00.002-05:00

Sounds simple right? HA! Not so right now. I don't know WHAT in the world is going on with me at the moment, but I cannot get a good night sleep to save my life! It doesn't help matters that my 7 year old son is having a hard time going to sleep at night and the boy who normally was begging to go to bed at 8pm is now up until 10-11pm at night. Keeping his sister up at that. UGGG. He then wakes at 4 or 5 am and wake us up and gets in our bed. That's all fine and dandy, because he manages to go back to sleep, but I don't! We only have a queen size bed. Not enough room for a family of four. But, other than his sleep issues affecting my sleep, I am also finding that I am waking up at night a lot. I have not changed anything to cause this and not quite sure what the deal is. I have actually tried to cut back on caffeine and I am not on any med's that would cause this. The only thing I can figure is right now, my nose is HORRIBLY stuffy and maybe that is keeping me up because I can't breathe. All I know is I feel like poo all day and my eyes are so heavy it is hard to resist a nap when the daycare kiddo's take theirs. So, for today, my biggest want is A Good Nights Sleep. Until then, I guess I will remain bleary eyed and tired.

I Want... Another Good Chat with My Therapist

2009-02-03T15:16:00.003-05:00

You read it here first, if you didn't already know! I see a psychologist. Can I just say, that I think EVERYONE needs a good therapist to unload on. I have been seeing mine for about 18 years. We discussed that yesterday when I was at his office for my monthly visit. He said I was one of his favorite clients because it was comfortable to sit and chat with me. No need to be the stuffy 'ole Doc in my presence. I started seeing him when I was about 19 or so when I had my first full blown panic attack. Since then I have been on and off medication for anxiety/panic disorder/depression, and been seeing one therapist or another, depending on where I resided at the time. There is really something to be said for a no holds barred conversation with someone who doesn't judge you, esp. when you know it won't leave the confines of his office. Most that know me know I am an open book and will typically tell you anything you want to know, but this fact is still very comforting. He has helped me through some very very bad times, helped me get a sense of perspective on situations, and, although I know my family will always be there if I need them, that sometimes comes with a price. Especially when one has deep dark secrets. HA! So, after my chat with Dr. O. Yesterday, it left me longing for my next monthly visit. I was going every two weeks, but financial constraints dictate otherwise right now. Until then I guess I will have to hold those thoughts...

I Want... Money!

2009-02-02T11:15:00.002-05:00

Sounds greedy, I know, but having been down by two in the daycare since the end of October is getting a bit hard to manage. The Finances that is. I get calls on a regular basis from people looking for their payment. Well, let me just note it here once and for all. If you are not a utility, a Doctor that I am currently seeing, or the cashier at my grocery store of choice, you are not likely to get money from me at this time. Not because I like to shirk my responsibilities or anything, but because I DON'T HAVE IT TO GIVE YOU. I know, I know, I am not the only one in this situation, but that really doesn't make me feel any better. So, rather than drag on and on about this, I will just leave my daily want at that. I need money, NOW! I accept checks, money orders, and of course, cash!

Now, its your turn. Tell me your want of the day!

I Want.... Real Snow!

2009-02-01T21:15:00.007-05:00

So I decided to do this NaBloPoMo blog thing for February and the theme is want. Don't know that I will try to keep it updated daily, but will give it my best shot! There is plenty I WANT... Today, the topic is REAL SNOW! The kind I remember having as a child. I want that for my children to experience. The reason is this...

Saturday, Jan. 31, 2009 we had the fun of going to Stratton Farm for a free Snow Day that a local church was hosting. The story goes that a group of Guatamalan's travel around blowing snow for private parties, etc. This church, Liberty Baptist, in Appomattox, VA, hired them to blow snow on a hill on a farm so they could host this Snow Day for the area. Supposedly this is the largest they had been hired to do. They actually blew snow on two hills and even made a "play" area for the kids not wanting to sleigh ride down these hills. They used the water from the pond at the foot of the two hills. They set up heated tents, had live Praise Music, a chili and pie cook-off, and a huge bonfire. It was all FREE. These days, that is all I need to hear to get me there.

It was fun overall, though the hill was a bit too steep for my kids to really enjoy. It was fun watching people fly down the hill and barrel roll in the mud at the bottom of the hill too. It brought back lots of memories of my childhood sleigh riding down my Mom's street on ice, the kind that stayed for days, and the neighborhood bonfire in the backyards behind my house where my brother, his friends and some of the Dad's of the neighborhood got together to made a sledding track. I remember them hosing it with water to make it extra slick then rolling it with barrels to flatten it just so. Oh what fun! Ah, maybe one day we will get that snow! Until then, I will leave you with some photos from our man made Snow Day!

The big hill...

The bottom of the big hill and the pond the water came from

Harrison and Granddad were the first ones down the hill. Almost tipped over!

Chris, aka, Dad, and Maia were next! Check out the legs on Maia??!!??? How she didn't break them is beyond me!

The Toler Family all bundled up.

The "little" hill. People were flying down this hill and barrel rolling their sleds in the muck at the bottom! EeeWWWW. Very muddy, but fun!

Harrison playing snow ball fight with some other kids at the play area. See the dirty snow? We actually witnessed several kids and toddlers EATING it!!!

Maia on her large snowball where she spent the majority of the time.

Harrison hiding from his Camera clicking Mom.

My little snow bunny.

Harrison started to roll around in the snow before we left. It was funny to watch him.

Before we left, I asked Maia to give me her best silly face. This is what I got. Harrison wasn't into being photographed.

Staying Afloat in a Sinking Economy

2009-01-16T14:40:00.005-05:00

I have had so many other things I was going to blog about in the past few weeks, but worry has gotten the best of me. I know, I know, worrying does no good, especially about things that have not happened yet, but it is what I do best. What I have always done best. It is a trait passed down to me from my mother.

The poor economy has sent me into a tailspin. So many people are losing their jobs. I have lost half of my income in the daycare business since October. That's about a $10K hit with just me alone. Chris talks of downsizing in his company. One person has already been laid off/let go. Just today, four others were reduced down from 5 days a week of work to 4 days a week. That is the plan for his company for the next 12 months and hopefully Chris's customers will keep him busy enough that he is invaluable to the company. He is one of the busier customer service/sales reps in his office. That's a good thing.

A few days ago every thought I had was consumed with what ifs. What if he were to be cut to part time hours? Well, I can tell you what if. We could possibly lose everything we own with just an 8 hour reduction in salary for him. It wouldn't be so bad if the childcare business would pick up but I have not had a single call since October. Not a single one. We are just barely making it now. Each month leaves me wondering who will get paid and who won't. Not a good feeling. Especially since I have family as cosigners on two of our loans.

Two older people stepped up at his work and offered to have their hours slashed as a result of the poor economy. I know NO ONE can really AFFORD to lose money, but these two wouldn't be hit half as hard as we would be. They are older with no children at home anymore. I want to kiss them. That was very noble of them to do that in an effort to spare others. I hope they won't be out of a 5 day week for too long.

If the economy doesn't improve, what becomes of all the people out of work and unable to pay their bills? Do they/we all become homeless, wandering the streets in search of our next meal and bed? It is a thought I don't want to have. I only hope and pray for everyones sake that things improve quickly. I hear it will only get worse. I know it has been worse in the past and now we, the 30 something generation, are facing what our parents faced so many years ago. It is scary. We have had it so good for so long. Now its time to pay the piper.

While we wait I will continue to pray that things on the Toler home front remain as is. No more lost income and if anything, maybe I will get a phone call or two for childcare. One can only hope.

You Know You've Been to a Party When...

2009-01-03T22:31:00.002-05:00

...the cops get called and clothes start coming off! Before I go any further with that, let me just say a few things. This was a Disciples Women's Meeting for our church at a friends house, spouses and children were invited, and there were no alcoholic beverages at the event. So... what you may ask can I possible mean by that first sentence? Let me explain.

Around 5:30pm my family headed to Lisa's house for a "get together/meeting" for our Disciples Women's group. Most of the members and their families were not there since a lot of them have had or currently have that awful stomach virus that is sweeping through Lynchburg. Lisa, her hubby and two girls, and Nannette, her hubby and her three children, one being only 6 months old were in attendance. We had a great time eating and talking. Watching the kids play Wii bowling and just hanging out enjoying each others company. The children, ranging in age from 4-8, headed downstairs to the playroom. Not too long afterward, we hear a knock at the door. David answers to find a Deputy inquiring about a domestic dispute. He asks to speak to the lady of the house as well. Uh, stunned looks enter at this point. The deputy proceeds to say that a juvenile had called 911 and said that their mommy and daddy were fighting. More stunned looks at this point. Lisa asks the Deputy if he can head downstairs, David and I following closely behind. I figured my child was behind this, and being the type of Mommy I am, was ready to whip some little behinds at this point. Questions are asked, and oh, I wish I had pulled my camera out for the looks on the faces. PRICELESS. Denial is going around the room like wildfire. Finally, Maia, my never do wrong child, comes forward to say she did it by accident because she thought the phone was a toy. I must say, it was a princess phone and did look rather toy like so I could see how the mistake was made. She is cowering at my leg just shaking like a little leaf. You could smell the fear. Poor thing. I had to stifle a laugh. A. I figured the deputy would not think it funny, and B. Well, what kind of example would I be setting If I let loose with the laugh I had inside me? (It's hard being a mom sometimes and doing the right thing!)

The Deputy was really nice about the "incident", and we explained why you don't pretend to call 911 and how it takes a cop away from a "real" call. The deputy said the dispatcher called back and got a busy signal, and with all the noise the kids were making downstairs when the call was placed, it is no wonder they rushed out there. He actually said he stepped up the pace to get there. TOO FUNNY! If you knew Lisa and David (HI LISA!!!) you would know why the thought of them in a domestic dispute is just too funny for words. Drama over, kids went back to playing, Deputy probably had something interesting to talk about the rest of the evening, and adults got a real good laugh upstairs.

About an hour later, Maia and Harrison come running back up the stairs to announce that another child in attendance (names withheld to protect privacy :-) ) was taking their pants off. Parent of said child goes flying down the stairs to correct the situation. More laughs from adults.

Never in all my life did I think my children would provide me with such entertainment in such a short span of time like they did tonight. Now, Lisa is probably the talk of her neighborhood and I actually have something funny to blog about for a change! It was real Lisa! We HAVE to do it again sometimes. I bet those ladies won't miss another meeting when the realize all the fun they missed out on!!

About New Years Resolutions...

2009-01-01T22:58:00.002-05:00

I don't typically make them, simply because, I know that I will be unable to keep them. No matter how good my intentions in the past, the ones made to lose weight, eat better, cut out coke/pepsi as my main source of hydration, etc, etc, etc., I have NEVER been able to keep ONE SINGLE RESOLUTION. This year, I may have to change that. Today, I spent the better part of my day trying to balance the checkbook. I had not TOUCHED it since sometime the beginning of October. By this I mean, I had not entered a single transaction, balanced the thing, or anything having to do with keeping track of my money. I chose to live in fantasy land where there is always plenty of money in there and that it will miraculously take care of itself for me. Well, I found out today that that didn't happen. I managed to get it balanced through the end of November and then had to stop for the day for fear that my brain would explode from looking at numbers for hours on end. Boy, do you really see the error of your ways when you are entering in all the random transactions. Ours are very heavy on the eating out end. Target is also a very very bad place for me to go unattended.

This being said, my New Years Resolution is to balance the checkbook at the very minimum, once a week, preferable Friday or Saturday. I hope I can keep this one. Maybe if I do, things will improve in our financial life in 2009.

Lessons Learned in 2008

2008-12-31T13:26:00.004-05:00

As 2009 moves in on us, I thought I would take a moment to note the lessons I have learned in 2008.

There are really really GOOD people in this world ~ Total strangers have banded together, in response to my "All I Want for Christmas" blog, and started work on my bathroom. Free of Charge. In their Free time. How nice is that? My friend Sarah, and her hubby Jeff, attend One Community Church here in town, and Sarah got her small group to give this to us as a gift. I can NEVER repay this group for doing this for me out of the goodness of their hearts. All I can do is pay it forward somehow. When the opportunity presents itself for me to do that, I will. As they make progress, I will post on it. Look for more on that subject in the future. Religion gets such a bad rap in the press, but I plan on correcting that soon. These people ROCK! Thank you Sarah for being such a good friend to us!

No matter how much money I make, I will always be broke ~ Before I had kids I made a decent salary and still managed to be broke, most of the time. I still work, though the type of work has changed dramatically, the salary has remained about the same. I don't work outside of the home, but run a daycare from my home. The money I save on gas, clothing, lunches out, childcare for my kids, etc, pretty much evens things out for me. Not to mention the tax deductions I can take for operating a business from my home. Bottom line is the same, I am still broke. I am convinced that if I made a million a year, I would STILL be broke.

Family counts more than anything ~ they are the ones who will stick by you through thick and thin. I have had some baaaaddd moments that all started right at the very beginning of 2008 and my family really stepped up to help us out this year. I only hope that one day I will be able to return the favor.

Question things, but never be afraid to take a chance ~ A few things have come up recently that made me ask a lot of questions. I won't divulge because Chris has asked me not too. It involves my child. We had to make a decision about the best way to handle a situation and after asking a lot of questions, we decided to dive in head first. It turns out to be the best decision we could have possibly made. Total turn around in the life of one little boy that I think will help him excel in his life. Had I not been willing to take that leap of faith into the unknown, I would have been doing him a HUGE injustice.

Hope you all learned something from 2008 and that 2009 brings you lots of opportunity to grown and change for the better! HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Ho Ho Ho, 1 day to Go!

2008-12-23T22:52:00.003-05:00

OK, I know, that was pretty cheesy. I am a bit stressed by the events of the past several nights. My kids have REFUSED to go to bed. They normally go to bed at 8pm, without fail. Lately, it has been more like 10-11pm for some reason. I am stressed because tomorrow Chris and I have to play Santa, and I would really rather it not turn into an all nighter. Had enough of those in college, and they about killed me then. No telling what would happen to me now! Maia's dollhouse should be a cinch to assemble, (I hope I don't eat those words later), but Harrison is getting the Playmobil Circus, and if you know Playmobil at all, you know that it has TONS and TONS of little tiny pieces that make Polly Pocket look Giagantimous. And they are all attached to the plastic framing that you have to break apart and follow the instruction booklet to put it all together. Uggg. If they don't go to bed, Santa may skip our house. At least that is what they are being told. I'll keep you posted.

Christmas Open House

2008-12-15T20:10:00.019-05:00

Welcome to the Toler House! Here is how we decorate for Christmas and some of the stories behind the decorations. Enjoy!

The outside of my house at night. Couldn't get the hubby on the upper part of the roof to hang lights this year. Maybe next...

I LOVE Gingerbread themed decorations, so, I just HAD to get this to put on the porch wall to greet visitors as they approach the front door.

A wreath, made by me, welcomes you at the front door.

We hang this Hallmark Advent felt calendar on the back of the front door each year. My kids love to come down first thing in the morning and put on the days ornament.

The sofa table. Please ignore the crumpled blinds at the windows (lets not even talk about the crumpled sofa cushions). CATS and KIDS!! One day, I will have a nice new sofa. One day. In the meantime, I need to find a good slip cover.

A close up of the Santa and gingerbread decorations on the sofa table.

My Partylite snowmen decorations from back in the day when I was a rep. for them. Harrison's dinosaur peeking out is a bonus!

The mantle and fireplace where the man in red makes his entrance. Our stockings are hung by the chimney with care. I am hoping that one Christmas morning, I wake to a FULL stocking...

I thought this was a cool close up of the angel on the mantle, complete with lights.

My favorite, the Nativity.

This is another more modern Holy Family tealight holder that I really like. It has since been moved from the mantle to another location in the house.

The kids and I have a tradition each year of making gingerbread houses at Grandma's house. Harrison's is on the left, Maia's is on the right, and I made the mini houses in the background and the foamie decorations. They sit atop the TV.

A close up of Harrison's house, struck by an avalanche. He got a bit carried away with the frosting.

Some of my Foamie creations. I have found a new calling in life. To create foamies! I have never had so much fun in my life as when I made these!! All my friend, who thought it was terrible that I made them and not the kids, said was "aren't they for like 3 and up?" I don't get her point...

Maia's house. She could not have gotten any more candy on hers or the roof and walls would have caved in.

Because I am anal, my Mom bought me my own houses to make so I wouldn't harass the kids about theirs. I know, SAD. Hey, I have a degree in fine arts, what can i say?? The house on the right is a johnny house, complete with moon above the door. It really was just a house, but it looked like an outhouse, so that is what it became!

Another Foamie creation. Part of the gingerbread scene.

The gingerbread decorations had multiplied this year so they also adorn the top of my piano. These, however, are not edible.

Cute little gingerbread cookie people are part of the piano village. I know, I am getting a bit carried away with all the photos, but I was having fun!

Ahh, it wouldn't be Christmas without the tree, complete with cute kitty Amos sitting on the tree skirt. You can just make out his white face. My favorite is the candy garland I got for $.50 a tube at Lowes one year.

Some photos of my favorite ornaments and the stories that go with them. I really had to restrain myself here because this was getting quite photo intensive, but here are a few.

Of course, I LOVE this ornament of my two angels done a couple years ago.

This ornament reminds me of Harrison catching snow on his tongue...

Harrison, catching snow at the Christmas Parade last week.

Maia's 3rd Christmas Ornament. Perfect because she IS a Princess. See this post.

This one represents Chris, my hubby the skateboarder and Harrison who LOVES Scooby Doo and Skateboarding.

This was my favorite ornament as a child, and now hangs on my tree. Yep, I was an 80s child.

The dining room table. Clean for once...

Now, your Holiday treat for visiting my page...

Heavily frosted and decorated sugar cookies made by myself, Chris and the kids. No recipe here folks, just a box of...

... sold at Target for $7.99, comes complete with cookie cutters, frosting and cookie mix. Just add water! Tastes great and half the cost of buying all the ingredients yourself! Yep, I am a slacker. Shhh, no one else has to know...

Our Private Visit with the man in red last night! Thanks Diane! (Maia was upset because she could not remember what she wanted for Christmas and forgot her list!)

Merry Christmas from Our Family to Yours!

Maia as Teacher

2008-12-07T00:29:00.005-05:00

Maia has been quite the little teacher lately. She taught my Mom how to draw a reindeer a few days ago, and then repeated the exercise with Chris that night. Mom got an A+ Good Effort mark on her paper, and so did Chris, but he also got an "X" by his name because he was talking during her instruction (to me no doubt!). Too funny. When we went to school for TCM's Winter Fanfare we noticed this on the wall outside of Maia's classroom. I had to laugh.

Mrs. Webb, Maia's teacher, said she did a great job teaching the class how to create Rudolph by giving her classic, very specific, step by step instructions. That's my little superstar!! I also noticed this on the wall, created by Maia, illustrating that the class can write sentences. I definitely see a future artist in the making!

I just LOVE the cheesy grin on the cat. Notice, the purple lines indicate where space should be. I think she has EXCELLENT handwriting for a kindergartener!!

Maia sporting the reindeer antlers at TCM's Winter Fanfare!

Just Call Me Scrooge...

2008-12-03T12:17:00.004-05:00

Before you start reading, I must warn you that this post is filled with negativity. Sorry people, it is just that time of year for me. Ba Humbug!

I typically don't like this time of year. I do, but I don't. There, now if ALL makes sense! The reasons are many. First, there is so much pressure to buy gifts and give the perfect gift to everyone. I don't have the money to buy gifts for people and that makes me feel bad and icky. I like to give gifts and when everyone else in my family is exchanging gifts and giving me a gift and I have nothing to give in return I just feel bad. REAL BAD. I am 36 and I don't think it is asking to much to be able to get a little something for people who have done so much for me. BUT, our finances pretty much dictate that we cannot do this and it sucks. I also hate dragging out so much holiday crap, ie. decorations, and having to somehow try to make my house look festive when all I really want to do is leave them in the boxes and pretend it will all go away. My house is a mess and dragging out another mess to add to it just doesn't make me all that happy.

I know I should be more thankful, and maybe I should revisit my Thanksgiving post after typing this bit of negativity. Maybe I will. There is just too much pressure on everyone this time of year. People are crabby out in public. Lord, the man in Wal-mart that got trampled?? Come on. Lets get real. Was it really worth someone dying over to get to whatever it was that was inside? I can't stand that type of behavior. I may be a scrooge but I would never stoop so low as to act that way in public.

The kids want lights on the house, I want it to look a certain way, and no matter what, it never measures up to what I had in my head. Everyone else's perfectly decorated house just makes me feel inferior. Trying to find the time to get it all done if hard. I had the best intentions of making a go of it over Thanksgiving, but the time got away from us and NOTHING got done. My to do list is a mile long and just adding more (decorating for the holidays, play practice, parades, birthday parties, etc, etc.) just isn't my cup of tea right now.

People ask me what I want for Christmas. Do they really want the answer to that? OK, lets see. If you are reading and you are one of these people, take note...
1. A better financial situation
2. my BATHROOM finished
3. More time together as a family
4. to find a way to reconnect with Chris
5. MY BATHROOM
6. Some fresh coats of paint in... (pick a room, any room will do)
7. A better financial situation (oh, yeah, i meant to repeat it!)
8. Some kids to keep to help out #7
9. Appliances that actually work without making ungodly noises (stove, oven, dishwasher, TV, computer, washer)
10. For people to get off my back about crap I can't control or change.

I just can't get into the spirit of the season. It has become too much about things that don't matter and that makes me feel like a lesser person because I can't be a part of it due to financial constraints. That is a crappy feeling. No matter how many times I tell myself that "it" is not what matters, society dictates otherwise. I will never be able to measure up in this regard. Unless I win the lottery, and you gotta play to win. Heck, I don't even have a dollar right now to buy a ticket if i wanted too! NO JOKE!

So, if anyone has any humbling words for me that will help me get into the spirit please, please pass them on to me. I could really use it. And, if anyone is looking for a gift to give me, just check out the wish list above. After all, that IS truly all I want for Christmas this year.

Ahhh, Day 30

2008-11-30T20:52:00.002-05:00

I cannot believe that I actually blogged for 30 days straight! It has been fun and quite a challenge at times. Somedays I just don't have a thing to say. Other days, I do, but I don't know who in the world would really want to read about it other than family and friends. Oh well. This blog is for me as a way to record memories and events. It is not suppose to be anything more than that for me. Some people have very useful blogs and blogs that relate to specific things like my friend Adrienne. Her's is Sewing. Mine is just about me and my family and things that make me go "hmmm" from time to time. SOOOOOO, on that note! I gotta jet people! My favorite show in the world, Desperate Housewives, is coming on in 5 minutes so I gotta go claim my spot on the sofa!

Is That a Muscle I Feel??

2008-11-29T21:27:00.008-05:00

Today, we had Harrison's official party at FunQuest with all his buddies from church and school. They got to roller skate and play in the jungle gym area from 1-4. They should all be good and tired tonight! We had pizza, drinks, and cake and opened some gifts, but the real fun was in the skating. Harrison had only been one other time before today, and he did great! Maia did pretty good too, but not as confident on skates as Harrison was. Chris and I also skated. Chris opted for the inline skates, but I prefer to be on 4 wheels. Especially since it has been a while since I skated myself.

Back in the day, my friend Debbie and I were the roller queens. I must say, it is kinda like riding a bike in that you never forget once you learn. The only problem is, this body is much older and heavier than it was in my early years. When I first started I was thinking there was no way I was gonna venture onto the rink where the wood is shiny and slick. I could hardly hold my balance. BUT, the carpet was grabbing the wheels and making it VERY VERY hard to skate without looking like an uncoordinated cow on wheels. Once I got to the rink, it was smooth sailing, er, skating! After about 1 trip around, I was feeling muscles I didn't know existed! Oh, the strain on your shins and especially, for me, my hips. It seemed to ease the more I skated around. I was quickly testing out my "moves" by turning around backward while moving to skate with Harrison and take his photo. Pretty impressive!!! LOL. Just glad I didn't bite it with the camera. I think I skated for several hours all together. I am totally anticipating not being able to move a single part of my body tomorrow.

The birthday boy, just getting started good.

Granddad and Chris help Maia skate.

A rare shot of Chris and I together in one photo! Thanks Tim!!

Maia and her buddy Ryan cling to the wall for dear life.

The three Toler Men, Harrison, Tim aka Uncle Tim, and Chris.

Harrison doing the limbo. He did pretty good!!

How low can you go?? Harrison was quite impressive...

Chris kept saying how long Maia's legs looked in these bell bottom jeans...

Ryan and Harrison's attempt at being serious for a photo.

This is what we got when we asked them to be silly.

On a side note... After uploading these photos, I must say I am NOT impressed at the quality of them considering I was using my brand new $250 camera. I exchanged it tonight for the same camera because I think it is defective. I hope it works better now. My friend has the same camera and hers works great! Leave it to me to get the bum camera!!

Old and New Friends

2008-11-28T22:45:00.016-05:00

Today, instead of going out for all the door buster sales and the overzealous crowds, I slept in, then got up and took Harrison to the Dr. for his 7 year checkup, then met two old friends for our annual trip to McDonald's with our kids to chat, play and eat. Seems that lately, beginning at Halloween, is the only time I get to see certain people. I guess we are just all so busy... Anyway, its always fun to catch up with them and see how the kids have changed over the year. Gina and her Family live outside of Charlottesville, so we don't see much of her. Meghan lives here in Lynchburg, but with busy schedules, etc we just don't see each other that much. We do all manage to keep in touch via email, phone calls, and facebook though.

Gina, Meghan, and Myself have been meeting since the kids were babies. Ok, lets back up. Gina, Meghan and myself have know each other since we were babies. If I had a working scanner I am pretty sure I could find some photos of us together when we were about the same age as our kids are now. Probably at the pool, at a swim meet, or something else summer/pool related. We also all went to school together from grade school up through high school. Ahh, good times girls, good times!! Old Friends are the Best!

Lucky for anyone reading this, the earliest photos of our McDonald's get together start in November 2004.

Chloe (Gina's eldest daughter) and Alexis "Lexi" (Meghan's eldest child) in 2004

Miss Chloe in the jungle gym at McDonald's.

Collin (Meghan's son) sitting on Gina's lap. My son, on the floor as usual, in the background. My Saturn in the back background!! I've since graduated to a mini-van.

Lexi and Meghan having some lunch in 2004.

Gina rescuing a crying Maia from inside the jungle gym.

Miss Maia sitting inside the tunnel, Nov. 2004. On this particular trip, she had to be rescued from the tunnels/jungle gym several times by Gina. Usually, crying. At least she is happy here.

Harrison playing with the truck that Chloe and Gina gave him for his birthday in 2004.

The next year, November 2005, we had a new addition to our McDonald's get together...

Holly, (Gina's youngest daughter) was just several months old when we met up with each other.

The crew, minus Collin, who wanted NO PART of this photo. Harrison, Lexi, Chloe and Maia.

I managed to get a shot of Collin playing with Maia. He doesn't look real happy!

November 2006 was a bit more successful in getting all six kids into a group shot! Maia kinda disappears in the back, but she is there!

This is a better shot of Miss Holly and Maia. Aren't they cute!!

She (Holly) is such a pretty child. Love the blue eyes.

We must not have met up in 2007 because I KNOW I would have photos, but cannot find any from the event. These photos were taken today, November 28, 2008. Look how much everyone has changed!!

Maia, Holly, Collin, Harrison, Lexi, and Chloe November 28, 2008. Not an easy shot to get with six very active kids loose in a McDonald's Playland.

Holly, Lexi and Chloe pose for a quick photo. The two sisters could be twins if it weren't for their age difference.

Harrison in the tunnel slide.

Meghan and Collin.

Maia in the tunnel slide. Had to bribe her to get this shot. A Momma will do what she has too!!

Gina playing rescue again, this time with Holly, who refused to leave. Here, she is literally dragging her out of the tunnel slide by her foot. Not the most flattering shot of Maia...

Since our kids are all older now, we were able to get Harrison and Lexi to snap a photo of us together. Three old friends. I really really have to find an old photo and get a scan for comparison. Can't wait to do it again next year girls!

Seven Years Ago Today...

2008-11-27T21:54:00.014-05:00

...Harrison Rhys Toler entered the world at 3:45 a.m. November 27, 2001 to be exact with the date. After a scary pregnancy and a looooooong, drug free labor/delivery, Harrison made his entrance weighing 9 lb 2 oz and 22 inches long. Hard to believe that this baby..

is now this baby, all 50 lbs and 51 inches of him ...

My! What a handsome boy you have grown into!! (TONS OF PHOTOS BELOW!!!)

We went to my mom's house for Thanksgiving Lunch and since all the family was there, we had a birthday party and let him open presents after we ate. Maia made him the card he is proudly holding above. So sweet. She worked so hard on it because she knew he would like the dinosaur picture she drew.

So much has happened in Harrison's 7 years of life that I could NEVER capture it here. He has grown into quite the dinosaur/space loving little boy. He is ALL BOY too. His first year of life he went to stay with my friend Shannon while I went to work, then alternated time with his two grandmothers those days as well. He spent all day with Grammie, aka Judy, and 3 1/2 days with Shannon and my Mom. He got lots of love! I remember driving by Shannon's house on my lunch break and seeing him playing with cars in her bay window that is right on the front of the house. Some days I would drive by just to brighten my day a little.

When Maia was born, I was lucky enough to be able to get my private daycare up and running and was able to stay home with both of them. Harrison has always been a Mommy's boy. I love it! He is such a loving, sweet child, with a devilish side on occasion. He holds a special place in my heart, and always will, as only a Mommy's boy can do! I hope that I am lucky enough to celebrate many many more birthdays with my boy through the years as I watch him grown and change from the little boy he is now into a teenager and man.

Things I love about Harrison: the way he rubs his head on me showing affection much like a cat does, the way he tells me I am the best Momma he has ever had, his blue eyes, the way the hair at the crown of his head always sticks up, that he STILL loves his baby he got in the hospital when he was born, they way he takes care of me when I am sick or sad, his artwork, watching him get excited over little things, the way he says "oh snap", the way he loves stuffed animals and gives the all names. Today, I got a photo of this ( how cute is that??)...

The stuffed cat is nursing it's kittens. This was learned from watching Milo and Otis over and over and over and over.

It is amazing to go back and look at photos over the years and see how he has changed. From birth ...

Age 1 - ( don't have any in between since this was LONG before I had a digital camera and relied on a scanner to get my images online)

Age 3 - (professional photos, here and directly above, taken by Jack Henley)

Yep, I caught them on the kitchen table with a jar of Vaseline. Fun times!! You can just see the devil in Harrison's face in this photo!

They are some big shoes you have to fill there my boy! Here is the baby mentioned above in "things I love about Harrison". Gotta love that he still had a pacifier at age 3! This is right before we took them from him and Maia.

Age 4 - Dinosaur Party!!!! This was the last party I had for him at our house, at least to date!

He has TWO babies, thanks to ebay. A backup is ALWAYS a good thing. You can tell how ragged the older one is in this photo. Look at the difference!! He still has them both, but they both look equally bad now.

Age 5 - Party at McDonald's with his preschool buddies

We had just gotten our Siamese kitten, Louie the day before this photo was taken. Harrison was so proud of him and still loves him to pieces.

Age 6 - Party at Nature Zone

Age 7 - Today, November 27, 2008 at Grandma's House for Thanksgiving Lunch.

We will have a party at FunQuest on Saturday for his buddies from school and church. Should prove to be a fun day. I am excited. It is a roller skating rink and has games and all kinds of fun stuff to do. Stay tuned! More photos to come, if you haven't had enough already!!

Happy Birthday Harrison! I love you!

What I'm Thankful For

2008-11-26T15:54:00.008-05:00

I thought I would post about things to be thankful for since Tomorrow is Thanksgiving. A time to remember and be thankful for what we have, rather than dwell on what we don't have. Since tomorrow is my baby boy's 7th birthday, and that will take center stage, I wanted to do it today. Here goes...

My children ~ even though they drive me crazy I am thankful they are healthy and are ABLE to drive me crazy (they are screaming at each other as I type this!!) I have read about far to many children of friends that have passed away in recent months from unspeakable diseases.
Harrison's 7th Birthday ~ two of those families just buried their 7 year olds. I NEVER want to experience that pain.
My family ~ I am thankful for the help they have been able to provide to us, financially, and by coming over and sitting with my daycare kids for me to be involved in my kids school, as well as go to other appointments.
My health ~ It ain't perfect, but I ain't dead!!
My home ~ Again, it isn't perfect and it surely has its flaws and tons of stuff to be repaired or replaced, but it isn't a box on a street or under a bridge.
Food in the cupboard ~ May not be our first pick of things to eat, but it is more than a lot of people have
My meager income ~ While not much, again, it is more than some have. I could be without a job. Or without the health to work a job.
My pets ~ they provide me with unconditional love and keep my feet warm at night and are a constant source of entertainment, thus providing much needed laughter on certain days.
My car ~ It isn't much, but it gets me from A to B.
Sunny Days and Cool Air ~ I am free to bask in the sun and breath the fresh, crisp air anytime I choose too. So many in this world don't know that luxury.
Freedom ~ to come and go in this world as I please. Freedom to practice my religion as I choose and where I choose.
The teachers that teach my children ~ They have a tough job. I wouldn't want it!

I am sure I could come up with lots of other things on any given day. There is so much to be thankful for in this day and age. When things are going rough (and I have had some rough days lately) it is hard to stay focused on what is right and good. What we DO have, instead of what we DON'T have. I hope everyone has a very Thankful Thanksgiving Holiday!!

Maia's Field Trip to Avoca Museum

2008-11-25T21:19:00.009-05:00

Maia's kindergarten class took a field trip Monday to Avoca Museum in Altavista, VA. which is about 30 minutes from Lynchburg. I had the pleasure of going on the trip with her and it was a lot of fun. They went to learn about Colonial Life, in keeping with the Thanksgiving Holiday approaching. Here are some photos from the day.

Maia and Paola on the bus ride to Avoca. Too cute!

The class gets the "how to act" lesson from Mrs. Webb before the tour begins.

First, we got a tour of the log cabin, courtesy of Frank, dressed in colonial attire. Pretty cool stuff. I learned that sleep tight refers to how they had to tighten the ropes on the rope bed to keep the mattress from sagging. He also taught the kids how they bathed, chores that had to be done, how they cooked, and how many people typically lived in a house this size (8) in case you are wondering. My kitchen was bigger than this house! UGGG. Glad I am a modern day gal!

Maia taking a turn at making butter. They didn't use the churn, but rather, heavy cream in a jar. Each child got to shake it 8 times and when all 19 kids were done, we had real butter!! Good to know in a pinch!

The main house taken from the porch of the log cabin. It is HUGE and beautiful inside!

Kenny and Frank demonstrating the stocks for the class. Poor Kenny. He NEVER misbehaves and is such a sweet boy. Maia refused to get her photo made in the stocks. I have already placed my order for one to be installed at my house. KIDDING!!
Maia and her buddy Ryan acting silly. I had a time getting a serious photo of these two goofs!

On a second attempt of this photo, I managed to get Ryan and Megan to cooperate, but check out Maia! Silly girl.

Miss Elizabeth teaches the class about school and dress in colonial times. Those kids back then got some serious corporal punishment. I would have NEVER misbehaved in Colonial Days!
The class gets to try writing on slates with chalk. Reminded me of Little House on the Prairie.

Miss Elizabeth also demonstrated how to make yarn for clothing. Here she is spinning the wool into yard. The big wheel serves to make the little wheel go faster so she doesn't have to pump her foot so hard to get the little wheel to spin. I always thought the yard went around the big wheel too! Shows you what I know about Colonial Days.

Maia dressed in Colonial garb, sitting at the spinning wheel. She fits the part! Cutie!!!

LOOK!!! Mom got in a photo with Maia, thanks to Owen's mom and my friend, Tricia. After our tour was over, we sat inside the gift shop (because it was too cold to picnic outside) and had our "picnic" lunch before departing for the return trip to TC Miller. What a great day I had with my baby girl!! Thanks Grammie for watching the kids for me so I could go!

Fancy Nancy Visits the Tolers

2008-11-24T17:03:00.003-05:00

Maia thinks she is Fancy Nancy. She is in LOVE with these books and everything that goes with them. She will be getting the doll and some dress up clothes to go with it and the matching dress up clothes that fit her (Maia). Should be a funny day! Below are two of the most recent books. The original Fancy Nancy book could not be located for this photo shoot. If you have never read one of these books, you MUST go check one out. They are just too cute. My favorite is Fancy Nancy and the Posh Puppy. Oh yeah, She will be getting "Frenchy" the posh puppy too! Looks like Fancy Nancy will be moving in Dec 25.

Saturday, she spent the better part of an hour running around the house getting "accessories" to put on so she looked fancy. Check out the shoes and socks and the dark purple eyeshadow! Love it! I had to snap a photo. She is such a girly girl!!

Do You Hear What I Hear????

2008-11-23T18:35:00.008-05:00

Today was our big debut in church. "Our" refers to the children, ranging in age from 4-10, and myself, the "leader" so to speak of the children's handbell choir. We are not talking rocket science, as no real musical skill is required to teach the kids the color coded Kristal Bell Method. I am pretty sure I have referenced them before so I will spare you the link. The kids were a-OK with playing, I on the other hand, was a bit rattled about their performance. My good buddy Helen assisted me since she has a little more experience with this sort of thing than I do. And, Shirley. Sweet Shirley, who has been teaching the little people of our church since I was a little person. She taught me.

Around 10:30 we corralled the kiddo's up to the sanctuary for a quick run through of our Thanksgiving Day song, We Gather Together. I was a bit nervous based on the practice alone. The kids were AWFUL. Like someone fed the all Speed then sent them off to church, mine included. No one was listening, they were arguing over which color bell they were going to play, playing around on the stairs, running around, talking, goofing off in general. I was worried. After we got the coordination of the thing worked out I felt a bit better. This is where I am clueless. I don't know how things "flow" in worship. I was scared the cards would stick together, thus throwing off the song.

My fears were unwarranted. The kids managed to pull themselves together, somewhat. (Hey, they ARE kids, after all!) and thanks to Helen's brilliant idea of putting the bells in a basket for them to grab one, then returning them to the same spot, it went off without a hitch. I do wish I had thought to video it. There were some comical moments. Harrison shaking his bell like a mad man, two little ones in the front being silly and feeding off the laughter from the pews, and then my darling daughter screaming "Harrison!" mid-song, were just a few. You had to be there. They sounded great and were so cute. I dare to say, they were a hit! After they played for the offering, we shuttled them back downstairs to Children's Worship, led by Mrs. Patty.

I feel better having one performance behind me. I guess I was just scared of how it all comes together in the end, but it as great and I am so glad I agreed to take on this project when Mrs. Carol, the former Minister's wife, left to move to Texas with the family. I think she would have been proud!!

All I Want for Christmas is...

2008-11-22T13:21:00.010-05:00

... my bathroom finished, (Sing it now) my Bathroom finished, yeah my bathroom finished. All I want for Christmas is my bathroom finished, then I could take a shower in it!

Unless memory fails me, we are fast approaching three years of a gutted bathroom. It is quite possible it has been longer. Time flies when you're having fun. We are down to one bathroom. Have been for a while. That one bathroom does not have a shower, just a claw foot tub. Washing a head of thick long hair that reaches past my shoulders is NOT EASY in that tub with a cup! Not to mention, the hair falls out and who wants to get out of the tub with 2 foot long pieces of hair clinging to them? Eeeewwwww. Yucky!

We are at the mercy of others at this point. We don't know what we are doing. We do not have the disposable income to pay someone to do the work. Chris works two jobs and it is just hard to find the time to get it done. Trying to coordinate two schedules to work on it is darn near impossible. Here is what we need done (I gladly accept charity work without any notice!!!)...

1. Sheet rock is hung, needs to be finished, sanded and painted.
2. Cement board needs to be hung on shower walls

3. Tile needs to go on top of cement board

4. Tile the floor

5. Install Sink, toilet, and shower fixtures

We have most of the supplies we need to do it, just not the expertise to finish the job that was started a loooonnnnngggg time ago. In the meantime, I am left with one bathroom with a claw foot tub and no shower and one messed up bathroom that desperately needs attention. Lets take a look at the progression. Keep in mind, these photos were taken over a period of 3 years. The first photos date back to April 2005 and move all the way through today's post. I am not sure if we have made progress or not. Looks like it went from bad to worse in the photos.

Looking into our pepto pink bathroom from the playroom. Gotta love the pink plastic tile and 1960-70's era wallpaper. The floor was so stained and smelly to boot.

Note the missing tile in the shower and brown wallpaper glue and mold on the pink shiny walls.

Yep folks, "they" wallpapered the ceiling. Not sure why. It is peeling off in this photo, and the second shower curtain you see is the one I put up to cover the holes in the wall so the shower was usable for a while. The brown and ugly stains are NOT the result of bad photography, they were actually there. NASTY!!!!!

Phase 1 of bathroom remodel, circa March 2007. Walls are out. All that's left that is original is the 500+ pound cast iron bathtub. Its gotta stay. Hopefully a little re glaze will do the trick on it.

The corner where the sink/vanity use to stand. Now, its just 2x4's. My brother did some rewiring for us so new light fixtures will be at the correct height for the pedestal sink.

Looking over the toilet, at the ceiling in the shower area. What a mess. Had to do some corrective plumbing. My poor Dad. In a crawl space about 2ft high. Couldn't pay me enough to get in that nasty space. Notice that there is NO insulation in the walls. NONE!!

Check out that NASTY NASTY floor. I particularly like the butter container in the sewer pipe to keep out the fumes. We knew the floor was soft before we started pulling up linoleum and soon discovered the source of the problem and smell. Most of the boards near the toilet area were saturated with URINE and SMELLED!!! Ummm, several decades of soaked in pee. You can just imagine.

Looking straight into the room, which is now serving as a work equipment storage area. The sheet rock is hung, but unfinished at this point. The walls have nice, new insulation in them too.

The corner where the sink will go. My brother, who hung the sheet rock, had a few choice words about old houses not being square.

The tub/shower area with the nice new insulation. The tub is currently serving as a holding area for the bathroom door and extra sheet rock.

THE FLOOR! No more Urine stains or smell, but plenty of junk to cover it up! My cat likes to sleep on the plastic. The butter container is still under all that plastic somewhere.

Looking back at these photos makes me long for the days of pepto pink walls and moldy wallpaper. At least then I could take a shower!!

Cleaning the Playroom

2008-11-21T21:42:00.002-05:00

My playroom is a disaster. I know, it's a playroom. It is suppose to be a mess. Tonight, I made it my mission to start the process of getting rid of toys that probably haven't seen the light of day in several years. Four bags were already taken to Goodwill, and I just filled four more. I'm talking lawn and garden bags, not little kitchen trash bags! I also have two more for Once Upon A Child. I am hoping for some cold hard cash out of toys that they have outgrown.

Little people have been banished to the basement in storage bins for safe keeping. I am hoping, one day, they will be worth decent money on ebay. I know some are going for a good amount now. I figure in about 5 more years I will be set. For a while, Little People moved into my house. All their vehicles, buildings, trains, accessories, etc filled every square inch of my playroom.

Now, they have been replaced with Barbies, Dinosaurs, Cars and Trucks of all shapes and sizes, Playmobil, Ponyville, Sweet Streets, you name it, I probably got it in spades. I decided it was time to move toys to the playroom, rather than their current location, the kids bedrooms, after breaking my neck for the one millionth time while trying to navigate the mess in my kids rooms. Again, I won't scare you with a photo.

Just to think, my financial woes could be cured with the toys they have in their rooms. Crazy. Just plain crazy. Now, Harrison's birthday is approaching, Thanksgiving Day to be exact. More toys. More "stuff" to fall over. Gotta get a handle on it, and fast. Right behind that, Christmas! This will be a very very light Christmas and birthday for us this year. Finances and just good plain sense dictate that.

Well, the playroom is calling. Just had to get my blog done before I dive back into the cleaning!

So, You're Telling Me I am Really NOT an Ostrich?

2008-11-20T12:16:00.005-05:00

Life is hard people. Life is hard. I know, it is tough for alot of folks right now with the pissy economy and all. But it still doesn't make my pill any easier to swallow. I am having a rough day. I have this beautiful budget all laid out in Quicken. It is pretty in theory only. We are so far off our budget at this point in November that it is scary. I don't how we will catch it up, unless we win the lottery. So I have this BAAAADDDD habit I tend to do when the road gets bumpy. I play like an Ostrich and stick my head right down into the sand.

Problem is, the problem doesn't go away. It is usually only compounded by the fact that I have ignored it for so long. Its like a snowball out of control. I am overwhelmed by things and tend to just shut down when this happens. I literally become paralyzed by the things that are bugging me. Whether it be the mess in my house, the laundry piled up, the bills, life, etc. I am not quite sure how to stop this bad habit. Habits that are life long are VERY hard to break. I am quite envious of those people you see on all these TV shows that are able to make HUGE changes in life, be it weight loss, cleaner houses, better financial choices, or whatever. You fill in the blanks. There are tons of those shows around. I suppose if I had that kind of support I too could make a major overhaul of things. Right now, my method of robbing Peter to pay Paul just really isn't working. My attempts at exercise are laughable, the weights definitely going the wrong way thanks to a huge lack of willpower, and the house looks like a tornado went through it all the time, my to do list is crazy long. I've got to find a way to overcome this "head in the sand" thing I do before things get worse. How do you keep from shutting down? Chris says you just have to "do" it. Easier said than done IMO. Right now my brain hurts. I think I will go take a nap and tune it all out for a while.

Random Crap and the Waffle House

2008-11-19T18:05:00.008-05:00

Last night we went to a Daisy Troop Meeting. The whole family went because Maia was suppose to get her first "petal" and some other things for her smock. Well, long story short, we get there, the leader is not there. We were suppose to have dinner, so we had not eaten. The kids were starving. We waited for close to an hour and she never did show up. There were a bunch of new members wanting to join and an old troop leader there that helps with our troop. I got concerned that something had happened to the leader, but turns out it was a big ole bunch of personal issues and work issues that got out of hand last minute and delayed her. No big deal, really.

Looking all cute in her Daisy Troop Smock. Hopefully, it won't be long before it is filled with patches and petals. A big daisy goes in the center and they earn "petals" for it.

We left there, and since we had not had dinner and really didn't have too much money to spare, we headed to the Waffle House to eat some good ole greasy breakfast food. Yummy. This establishment has been here in its current state since BEFORE I was born, if I am correct. It is OLD, people. OLD. We eat there quite a bit and the breakfast food is super. Of course, I had the camera with me since I had planned on taking some photos at the Girl Scout meeting. Oh well. I couldn't resist pulling it out in the Waffle House. Hey, in there, ANYTHING goes. ANYTHING. Here are some photos for your viewing pleasure. Don't drool on the keyboard...

Chris and a grumpy looking, and hungry, Maia at the Waffle House.

Harrison and Mom do a Self Portrait at the Waffle House.

Harrison's Dinosaur bones "dressed" up in a tissue. What can I say, he is a very creative and inventive child.

The Menu: Decisions decisions...

Ahhh, my drink of choice, good old Coke, from a fountain of course.

I like this shot better. I was playing with the super macro feature on the camera.

Grilling up some fine dining in this fine establishment
(Gives new meaning to the term "greasy spoon").

Maia up close and personal. Again, the super Macro feature.

The choices were made and the decisions was... Waffle to be split with Harrison and Maia...

A Bacon, Egg and Cheese on Texas Toast sandwich for Mom. Chris got a Philly cheese steak on Texas toast, but I kinda figured I was being annoying with the camera so put it away before I got a shot of his yum yummy meal.

Maia opted for two sausage patties with her half of waffle while Harrison went for the bacon. That's good eatin' people!! (the camera also has a cuisine mode so I had to test it out! Although, I am pretty sure Waffle House does not count as cuisine. Maybe i should write them and tell them to add a "greasy food" option)

We were just about done eating, thank goodness, when Harrison leans over the wall of the booth we were sitting in and makes a startling announcement. He is looking over the wall into the part of the restaurant where they actually work, cook and clean. They were mopping the floor and had moved the trash can when Harrison peered over. He says "Look at all those bugs Mom!! What kinda bugs are they??" In a very 6 year old boy LOUD voice. Chris took a peek and, yep, they were ROACHES. Little bitty small ones. G-R-O-S-S. I don't know that I could have finished eating at that point. Now, I am no naive little girl. I know restaurants, probably more than I care to admit, have bugs. But it is just not something you want to see while you are sitting a mere inches away from dozens of them. I had the heebee geebees all night after that. Chris did too. Oh well, the food was good at least.

I am gonna leave you with this totally random shot of Maia, today after school, eating a big red Gala Apple. Yum Yum. Now, that IS truly good eatin'. Don't you just LOVE the argyle??

A Big Hurrah for Public Schools

2008-11-18T12:16:00.003-05:00

I just had to post while it was on my mind. I just got back from having lunch at TC Miller Elem. School of Innovation. I went there with McDonald's in tow to eat with Maia. Last night, there was a meeting at her school for parents with the superintendent of the schools here. Seems there was a problem with the principal and she is no longer in the position with the school. They have placed an interim for the remainder of the school year. When I was there today, the interim, who wasn't suppose to start until Friday, was there, in the lunchroom milling around, sitting with the students and teachers and talking with each one. Really putting herself out there. Getting involved. Which I think is the main problem parents and teachers alike had with the last one. I am not trying to speak for anyone, but thru the grapevine, that is what I heard.

Anyway, while I was at the school, I had a chance to speak with a lot of the different staff (teachers, office workers, aides, resource teachers, etc) and let me just say, I give them a big thumbs up. Not only do they KNOW who you are when you enter the school and which child is yours, but they are so welcoming at having you there. I try to go out of my way, even when the budget doesn't really allow it, to do nice things for them. This week is Education Week and the staff all have wish items on a "tree" that you can choose from and then send that item to school. Nothing big; tissues, crayons, pencils, drinks, candy, paper, etc, you get the idea. Some are for personal use, but most were for the classroom. These are people that are teaching our children. I respect them and am very grateful for their presence in my child's life. Most go out of the way to assist in any way they can and the communication between parent/teacher is encouraged and welcomed. I like that the staff take the time to know who we are and make every effort to involve the parents. Now, I know, that seems like something all schools should do, but I don't think it always happens that way.

TC Miller is unique in the city in that it is very small. Two classes per grade, starting K-5. They just added one Pre-K class this year. The teachers know all students in all grades by name, with very few exceptions. It is a very close knit community feel to the school. They also have a full time art, music, science, movement and computer teacher on staff. I am so glad that we chose to apply to this school rather than the school the kids would have gone too. I have heard other parents complain about public schools, but I must say, I have very few complaints and the ones I have are MINOR and not related to education at all. I think the teachers and staff at TCM go out of their way to ensure my child is getting the best education. They are all very talented in what they do and I thank them for this. I know that my children are getting a very well rounded education at TCM and that is a great feeling to have as a parent . Kudos to you TCM and your excellent staff!!

Zander Comes For A Visit

2008-11-17T11:36:00.009-05:00

My little buddy Zander came to visit us today with his Mom. I kept Zander from the time he was 6 weeks old until just about a month ago when his Grandma decided that she would quit her job and keep him. He seemed excited to see me and came right too me with a big smile on his face. Sweet thing! Jack and Jenna liked getting to play with their friend and I was able to test out the new camera and get a few shots of them playing before he had to leave to go to his 15 month checkup.

I really appreciated his Mom bringing him by to see me. It makes me feel very valued as their former childcare provider. So many take what I do for granted. When I worked, my babysitter was numero uno to me, even though she often had to remind my mommy brain it was payday. Thanks Shannon! You meant the world to me then and I value our friendship now!! Take it from a childcare provider... if you have one, and if you have kids and work, you probably do, VALUE THEM. Tell them you appreciate them, or show them. Respect what they do, after all, they are taking care of your most prized possession, your CHILD!

Zander, 15 months. I started keeping him when he was a wee little one at age 6 weeks, below.

My, look how you've grown!!

Daycare buddies, Jenna and Zander. I started keeping them on the exact same day. They are 3 weeks apart in age, with Jenna being the oldest.

Jack and Zander doing what they do, fighting over a toy. Boys will be boys!

The three amigos. Jenna, 16 months, Jack 20 months, and Zander 15 months. Plopped them on the sofa and quickly snapped this shot. They don't sit still for long! (No comment on the junk on the surface of my table. I still haven't figured out how to have a table that doesn't accumulate junk. Any ideas??)

Sunday

2008-11-16T20:38:00.003-05:00

That's a real exciting title to my blog isn't it?? I have spent the better part of my day to day in church. In a mad dash, due to oversleeping, we made it to church this morning just in the nick of time. Left there around 12:15 and headed to my mom's house while Chris headed to work. The kids and myself hung out there for several hours. I particularly enjoy using her FAST computer, rather than ding around on this one. Oh, I can't WAIT for tax refund time so I can get a new one. The cheapest thing out there would be better than the one I have now. Seriously.

After a quick stop to pick up girl scout candy that had just come in and a quick stop by the house to change into comfy clothes, me and the kids headed back to church for Play practice for the upcoming Christmas play, "Santa bowed at Christmas". I sat and chatted with a few friends while the kids were doing their thing, then we moved straight into "Fairview Nights" where I help with the children. We practiced the Kristal Bells for worship service next week. They will play "We Gather Together" for Thanksgiving. I hope the cards don't stick together or it will be a disaster. Kristal Bells are color coded and the cards show the color bell that needs to be rung as I count out the beats that they are to be rung for. Pretty cool and the kids love them. We also worked on some gifts for the nursing home visit the kids are planning for the holidays. Fun stuff.

Now, kids are in bed, Chris is home from work, I am in even comfier (is that a word??) clothing, and my favorite show in the whole world is coming on, DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES. Had to do my obligatory post before that started!

Aren't you glad you now know how I spent my day?? I am sure you feel enlightened.

A Day in My Life

2008-11-15T20:53:00.003-05:00

Today, after a nice sleep-in, I managed to knock out some housework. Still nowhere near where it needs to be, but I managed to get several loads of clothes washed, and dried and even put away, rather than left to sit in a basket for several days/weeks. I also sorted some clothes that need to be sold at consignment, or just given to Goodwill. My bedroom is MUCH IMPROVED from what it was. I won't even scare you with a before and after shot. After that the family went to grab a late lunch/early dinner and then to the nursing home to see Chris's grandmother. Depressing. I managed to do a little Christmas shopping (very very very little), and then put the kids to bed. I am REALLY not into posting tonight so I will spare you the boring mundane details of my life. I am still trying to figure out what "idea" Chris would like me to post about. Maybe the idea of a windfall of cash falling into my lap??? Nighty Night for now...

Maia's Doll

2008-11-14T23:07:00.017-05:00

Boy, I just wanna say, that I am really starting to reach for things to blog about and it is only day 14 of this blog a day business. Luckily, with Thanksgiving and Harrison's birthday approaching, I should have more to talk about in a week or so. In the meantime, you get what you get. The hubby thinks I should blog about an Idea, rather than my day to day life events. Whatever. My ideas are probably things you REALLY don't want to read about anyway. I have Mommy brain. If it doesn't involve my kids or someone else's I probably don't have much to say about it at the moment. Which leads me to this post...

Maia, my girl child, who until about a week ago, could have cared less about a baby doll. Her aunt Pat and Uncle Gary gave her a doll with a creepy laugh for her birthday this past May. She was briefly interested in it, but soon forgot it. Well, about a week ago, she "rediscovered" this doll and has drug it with her everywhere since. The doll is fine. Has a bit of a hair issue and the laugh is just too creepy for words, but other than that, it is OK. She has lots of others, from Cheap to American Girl's Bitty Baby, but this is the one she has "adopted" to be her baby. Oh, excuse me, it is her little sister Mia, and I am the mommy. Not her. When asked why she is not the mommy, she just giggles and looks at me like, "duh, I am not OLD ENOUGH to be a mommy." (You go right ahead and keep thinking that Maia until you are about 30, preferably, 30 and married)

Doll, pre-naming, wearing a dress Maia wore at age 3 months.

What I find most funny is that my daughter wakes up, changes the doll into her daytime clothes, feeds her breakfast, etc., then at night, she changes her into her pajamas, reads her a book, tucks her into her bed with her bunny and blanket and plays her doll mobile for her. The baby has even had a "bath" and several birthday parties complete with handmade invitations. Maia addresses the dolls needs before her own. Tonight, we went to the mall with baby in tow. I had an infant car seat in my car from my outing today with the child I keep, so Maia strapped Mia into the car seat WAY before she was worried about herself. I had to wait several minutes for his to happen before Maia was ready to hook her own car seat. I can already see the beginnings of a Mommy in her; neglecting herself to care for her "child". Funny how young that starts. I made the mistake of suggesting to Maia that we leave the baby in the car while we went into the mall. Lord, call social services on me. Silly me, You would have thought I slapped my own daughter silly by the look she gave me upon this suggestion. Don't worry, It won't happen twice.

Maia, tucking the baby into her bed at night. This happens EVERY NIGHT without fail lately.
I think it is kinda cute & have WAITED for my daughter to discover my favorite childhood toy.

All tucked in and ready for sweet dreams.

I can now add to my list of lifetime accomplishments, the title of SURGEON extraordinaire and professional stylist (I only wish I had the paycheck to go along with the first!). I had to perform a small "surgery" of sorts on her for fear that her head and foot would fall off. This is NOT a super well made doll; cheap fabric body, sub-par wig for hair that was barely glued on and whoever styled it must have been on drugs at the time. So, the baby got its neck sewn back together, the leg sewn back together and its wig re-glued and trimmed and restyled. Much improved much to my daughter's delight.

Baby Mia before makeover, sporting her new duds. Original ponytails are out at this stage, ready for her trim and new styling, courtesy of ME. I failed to get a photo of the before/after surgery. THAT was a real accomplishment.

Baby Mia, (actually, Maia refers to her as Little Mia), post surgery and makeover. Hard to see the differences in the hair, but trust me folks, it is MUCH improved in this photo.

Now, I am on a quest for a small wardrobe for this doll. I am finding that newborn size baby clothes fit it best and are actually CHEAPER than doll clothing. Better made and more stylish too. Never thought I would be shopping the infant section again, and certainly not for a doll. Oh well. There are some really cute and inexpensive things out there for a baby and it is probably the ONLY WAY I will ever enter the infant department in a store again.

Little Mia and her wardrobe purchased at Target. Bib, socks, and onesie all came from Target's Dollar section (oh, I could do a post on that!!! I LOVE LOVE LOVE that part of Target!), dress was clearance rack purchase and Pink Ballet slippers were from AC Moore.

For now, I am left to deal with a cheaply made, semi-cute, baby with a freaky laugh. Enjoy the photos and be glad I have not figured out how to add sound to this post.

Little Mia's First birthday party.

Invite to Said Party. This is the front.
I must say, Maia has GREAT handwriting for a 5 year old.

Inside of invitation, complete with Glitter glue accents, Maia's all time favorite.

Maia, sporting a particularly strange look, and her doll after a visit to Target to purchase
the outfit baby is wearing. Sale racks at Target ROCK!!

Are you freaked out yet by the Doll staring at you?? Now you have experienced a small bit of what I am dealing with. Every time I turn around the doll is there, staring and laughing at me. Creepy. I just thank God it doesn't have teeth. I am also just SLIGHTLY disturbed at myself for posting this much about a DOLL. I really really need to get a life.

Playing Games

2008-11-13T21:30:00.002-05:00

I have been playing around with some different header ideas today. Sarah, in no way, am I trying to diminish what you created for me. I love it and have it saved in my folder of headers to use at various times. I have just been feeling particularly melancholy lately about my kids. Maybe it is reading about all the kids that have had cancer and passed away, or are still fighting the fight. Or maybe, seeing things in the new lately about kids being abused, abducted, or just whatever. So today I pulled out the 'ole photoshop and started to mess around with a bunch of photos. Putting my graphic design skills, that have long lay dormant, to use once again. Boy, it is AMAZING how quickly you forget if you don't use the skills. I use to know my way around photoshop, but now I am afraid, I will have to relearn a lot of it. Oh well. So, for all you reading my blog, you may see a new header quite frequently as I play around and come up with some new ones. Then again, the way I put off, postpone, slack, drag my feet, with things, you may not. I may just use the template I have saved and change the photos. I may do them seasonal, maybe not. I know, I know, the water lily is NOT seasonal, but I just liked the photo and the colors.

Enough for tonight. I am going to watch tonights Survivor that I recorded. More tomorrow.

Four Legged Freak Show at My House Tonight

2008-11-12T22:02:00.009-05:00

Maybe that should actually say Eight Legged Freak Show. Depends on how you are looking at it I suppose. Let me explain. My cats, Louie the Siamese mentioned in a previous post, and Max were having their own private party at our house tonight. They think they are dogs. First, Louie has become BAD about trying to eat whatever is on the table, doesn't matter if you are still sitting there or not. He is bold. After successfully grabbing some leftover chicken off Maia's plate as I was cleaning the table, he then moved to the trash can for whatever he could salvage from there. This is pretty much the norm for him. He has actually been IN the trash can before. This time, he was just perched on top of it since the lid was off.

When I turn around to load the dishwasher, my other cat, Max, was inside it licking the plates clean for me. I guess he was trying to save me water?? Yep, people, if you don't like cats, you would HATE my house. I can't promise they have not been on/in the counter/table/dishwasher/sink/trash can/etc. when they jump in your lap or you eat a meal with me. Eat at your own risk. Don't say I didn't warn ya!

After all this, I go to tuck Maia into bed and Louie is hiding in a drawer in her room that just happens to be empty right now. I don't know what was going on with the cats tonight, but they were nutty most of the night until they crashed.

Just a Tail...

Strange Kitty

One Man, er, Cat Freak Show

Had Enough of the Camera

Max, crashed.

Louie likes to sit in the strangest places, if that hasn't already been established. He is sitting on the box top to Harrison's legos in the front corner of the living room. Gotta love the alien eyes. I didn't photoshop these. Left them for the effect of "strangeness"

Bathtime. I guess he had enough of the strange places and moved to the sofa on "his" blanket that he likes to suck on.

Crashed out Kitties. Though, Louie looks like he may just pounce on Max.

There you have it people. My exciting post for the night. Hey, you get what you get when I have to do a post a day. That's my life, exciting to the hilt.

Things that Make Me Happy

2008-11-11T11:13:00.002-05:00

In celebration of my new phone, I thought I would compile a list of things that make me happy today. Hold onto your hats people, this is going to be life changing!

1. Having a phone that will dial a "5" AND gets good reception. YES! You CAN hear me now!!
2. Good music on the radio
3. A bright sun shiny day like today
4. Not having to repeat myself 100 times to get the kids/hubby to do something.
5. Watching Maia play with her baby doll. Too cute. Lets just say, the mommy neglect we tend to subject on ourselves as mothers starts very young. I have already witnessed it in Maia.
6. Naptime
7. Being told "I love you Momma" by my kids.
8. Ice cream
9. Cuddling
10. Good Friends
11. The first time you climb into bed that has just had clean sheets put on it.
12. A good book.
13. A positive balance in the checking account
14. Finding or receiving unexpected money
15. Taking photos of my kids
16. Doing something creative
17. BEING ALIVE
18. Family that cares
19. the smell of baking bread
20. Chocolate Chip Cookies, fresh made of course.

There ya go folks. A disguistingly positive post from ME! Have a good day. More on Maia's doll tomorrow.

Sad Tree

2008-11-10T21:38:00.004-05:00

Yesterday, my family and several neighbors watched the tree on the corner be stripped of all its dignity. My neighbor, God Love Her, decided the tree was too tall, so she had it topped. Now, I personally, have never heard of a tree that was too tall. OK, the ones that grow into power lines, maybe. My question there is WHY do they plant trees that will get tall UNDER THE POWER LINES??? Things that make you go humm. I am NOT a fan of topping trees. I know, it is not my tree, but it is a Maple, and was just at its prettiest point. Not to mention the shade it provided on a sunny day. I have a feeling sh will regret her decision to top the tree come summer when her house is in full sun all day. The whole front was shady, not it's not. Poor Tree. Here are photos of its demise. I wish I had gotten a photo BEFORE any cutting had begun. It was BEAUTIFUL. Now, it is a coat hanger. Ugly. Poor, sad tree. Here is a link as to WHY you should not do this to a tree, and another one.

GOING...

GONE.

PLEASE!! Don't do this to your trees. It is ugly and your neighbors will not like you for it.

Credit Where Credit is Due

2008-11-09T20:38:00.002-05:00

This is gonna be a short one 'cause Desperate Housewives is about to come on... I just wanted to say "Thank You" to my friend, Sarah, for the great new blog header. Out of the goodness of her heart she made this for me and I love the new look of my blog. Once boring, now Fancy, as Maia would say. Thanks Sarah for hooking me up!!

Juliette Lowe Princess Party & Other Stuff

2008-11-08T21:41:00.011-05:00

Well, I was gonna post about our dinner at Sachiko/Porterhouse tonight in celebration of my mother in laws 60th birthday, but now I am down by two cameras and hating life. My cat knocked mine off the table last week and destroyed it. My FIL brought me his to use and his battery (the expensive rechargeable kind) is dead. SO, long story short, I am on a major hunt for things to hock so I can come up with the rest of the funds to buy the one I am saving for. I only need about $60 more dollars to get it and I am jonesing. I will post about that when I get the photos that are suppose to be emailed to be that were taken by another couple that was with us. I know you will be chewing your nails in anticipation of this.

On a good note...I had to fill up the van tonight on our way to the above mentioned dinner and I only had to put $30 in it to just about fill the sucker!! I almost cried at the pump. Seriously. That is HALF of what I had been putting in the van. HALF PEOPLE!! That is a HUGE savings. I can drive for just about a week, sometimes more on that.

Now, on to the post for which this is titled...

Last Saturday, November 1st to be exact, I attended a Girl Scouts/Daisy Scouts Juliette Lowe Princess Party in celebration of, guess who?? Juliette Lowe. She was the founder of Girl Scouts so Maia's Daisy Troop and three other local Daisy/Brownie/Girl Scout Troops got together at the YWCA to have a princess party. It was pretty cool.

My Princess

HUGE HUGE HUGE cake celebrating the birthday of GS's founder Juliette Lowe

The girls got to make princess wands and tiara's and earned Try-It badges for several of the activities they had set up. Of course, all the girls came in their Princess Attire. At lunchtime, they got a lesson in proper table settings and manners, and then we enjoyed a HUGE birthday cake. It was a fun, if not LONG, day but I think all the girls had a great time.

The "proper" place setting. Does ANYONE still use this many dishes at one mealtime??

The girls all had this place mat to help them create their place setting. Even I don't know what to do with all these things!!!

The girls all had a scaled down version to work with.
Maia is hard at work trying to get hers right.

The final photos were taken last Monday, Nov 3, at my In-Laws house. They have a fire pit, so I couldn't resist snapping these of the family.

Three Generations of Toler Men and one little lady. Tim, Chris's brother, looks just like Chris.

My little firebug.

Last Friday's Halloween Fun

2008-11-07T21:55:00.010-05:00

For lack of anything exciting ('cause we all know just how EXCITING my life is...) to post about, I am going to do a recap of last Friday's Halloween Fun.

Friday morning, I got the kids all packed up and ready to go to TC Miller Elementary School of Innovation, for Harrison's fun day of pumpkin patch learning. The two 1st grade teachers purchased pumpkins for the two classes and set them up in the fields and had games and fun things set up to do with them. They were on a rotation and all 5 activities had something to do with what they had learned about (line them up smallest-biggest, weighing them, measuring how big, sorting, adding & subtracting), pretty cool way to learn this stuff I am sure for a kid. Then they had a pumpkin roll at the end. Jack and Jenna enjoyed getting out in the sun and watching all the big kids. Here are some photos from the morning.

The two first grade classes at TCM with the "pumpkin patch" in the background.

Jack and Jenna had a blast watching the big kids run all over.

Harrison found the perfect pumpkin.

Station one, lining pumpkins up smallest - largest, etc. Harrison is kneeling to the very right.

Word problems with pumpkins. The kids loved it!

Pumpkin rolling. I am really surprised that these pumpkins made it home in one piece. Some of them weighed as much as 30+ pounds.

After Harrison's class did their thing, I brought the babies home for lunch and naps. My mother in law came to sit with them and I went back to TCM (it is literally 3 minutes away from my house) for Maia's fall party. It was a lot of fun and I was mesmerized by her teacher and how she was able to turn ANYTHING at all into a lesson. Pretty amazing. The kids really seem to love her and respond to her. I was VERY impressed. Good to know they are getting quality education in a public school setting. Here are some photos from her party.

Mrs. Webb's Kindergarten class. Maia is barely visible in this photo.

Mrs. Webb teaching them about ABABAB patterns on the pencil in the goodie bags I made for the class. (the pencils were purple/green striped).

Maia with her popcorn filled glove. You would have thought it was filled with gold...

Maia playing pin the nose on the pumpkin. Since it was close to election day, the class had to vote on each aspect of the pumpkins face. (round vs. triangle eyes, scary mouth or happy mouth, etc.)

Maia in the middle of two of her buddies from class, Paola and Chloe.

That evening it was, of course, time to trick or treat!! I didn't even bother with a camera because mine DOES NOT do night photos worth a darn. Here are a few before we went. Since I already posted about trunk or treating, there is really no need to beat a dead horse. I thought these were funny.

Hannah Montana aka Bailey. I kept this child from the time she was about 1 1/2 and she is now 5 and goes to school with Maia and rides the bus to my house.

Maia as the roaring 20's flapper.

Harrison being scary. Don't worry, the sword is all foam.

He cracked us up running up and down the sidewalk like this.

My little cuties all dressed up and ready to go. By the end of the night, the mask was off, the bandanna was off and I was carrying the sword. Maia had shed her headpiece, and the feather boa. Chris got the honor of carrying those.

And there ya have it folks. Another page out of my exciting life. Come back for more tomorrow!

Things to be Thankful for When Times are Tight

2008-11-06T13:09:00.002-05:00

I am in a funk. I made a deposit at the bank only to discover that after $160 is put in, we have $8 of it at our disposal. Gonna be slim pickin's in the Toler house this coming week until Chris gets paid and things won't get too much better then.

After that discovery, I got on the computer to waste some time (that I don't have to waste) and started checking up on my friends son's care page. He is about the same age as my son and he has cancer. They have met several people in NY when there for treatment and several of these children have recently passed away from the cancer. So, I sit here unable to tear myself away from these sites, and try to imagine what these families are going through. It isn't even possible for me to go there.

On that note, even though money is tight, Christmas will be extra slim this year, our jobs are in jeopardy and the country as a whole is knee deep in recession, I find that I am VERY THANKFUL that I have been blessed with my two children and that they are for the most part, healthy and happy. They have their faults, we all do, but I love them good or bad, right or wrong, come hell or high water. I hope and pray that they will remain healthy and that I NEVER have to experience the pain and suffering that I know these families are going through right now. Money, I am sure, is the least of their worries. So go grab your kids and loved ones and hold on tight to them. No one is guaranteed another day on this earth so we have to make the most of it while we are here and together. You just don't know when it will all disappear.

Tonights Post feels more like an Obligation...

2008-11-05T20:28:00.005-05:00

Yep, Day 5 into the month long blog thing and I am tired. I think I am not into it right now because of several factors. One being, as of late this afternoon, I am not feeling all that great. Not sure if it is a cold coming on, or just my lovely allergies doing their number on me. Second, I am stressing over my house and the messy state it is in right now and my inability to motivate myself to care enough to lift a finger to correct the problem. Third, WE ARE BROKE! That alone will suck the life out of someone. It is going on the third week now with half my income gone and we are feeling the crunch. I am having to float checks (which is risky business), run behind on bills, be inventive at dinner time, get the MIL to buy me some bread not to mention Santa stuff for Christmas. Stressful times. I always lose kids this time of the year and if it were not for my MIL I don't know that my kids would have ever had a Santa visit. It is just a sucky feeling to be soooo dependent on family when you are 36 years old. Not a good feeling. Rather than dwell on the bad, I am just going to do my obligatory post and go to bed and read a book. I can only hope and pray that easier times are ahead for us stuck in the middle class doldrums. I know it is not just me that is having a hard time. Things can only get better, right???

I will say one other thing... For more insight on the election see this blog my friend Sarah wrote. Sarah, I hope you don't mind!! You took the words right out of my mouth!

****This just in... I just read this from a posted comment on another friends blog (thanks Karen). I thought I would share it as it hits the nail right on its ugly head. I am not really sure if this is "legal" in the blogging world, but it was too good not to have others link to it and read his thoughts.****

I Need to Brag a Little...

2008-11-04T14:46:00.003-05:00

I just got back from an all day trip to the allergist with Harrison. He gets shots, and has gotten them since age 4. The symptoms we originally went for had cleared up and we had hoped that he was growing out of his allergies. However, over the past year or so I had noticed that his symptoms had been getting progressively worsed. The eczema had returned in full force, he has been constantly stuffy in the nose and complains of having trouble breathing. The poor kid. Seems to me he is stuck with his momma's allergy problems. I breastfed him until he was a year old so I had hoped that he would escape this problem. The pediatrician told us that because one parent has allergy problems, that he had a 60% chance, even being breastfed, of developing them. Oh well. (I am still a HUGE proponent of Breastfeeding though).

Anyway, today we went back for more testing. The Dr. wanted to see if he had developed new allergies since he was getting worse again. If you have never been for testing or witnessed it being done to someone, it is NO WALK IN THE PARK. First, they come in and do a "scratch" test of sorts. The nurse had this rectangular thing that had 12 needle like things on one side that she fills with the allergen then pokes into the top layer of skin. Doesn't necessarily hurt, but try 60 or so allergens being pushed into the top layer of skin and boy does the itching begin. I have had the testing done myself, three times. It sucks. The itching is unreal. And the worse part is you cannot touch it. I had to do anything in my power to keep Harrison from messing with the places for about 20 minutes or so while the nurses waited the time needed to see if a reaction developed. Poor kid. My heart broke for him. They do this part on the back, so it was at least not easy for him to reach to scratch. From here, they judge if he reacted to the allergen by measuring the amount of redness and how big the welp is. The ones that are small, they then move on to the big guns. Some he reacted to right away, so no need to move forward with those.

The next part is where it got bad. The nurse actually gets the allergen and, using a syringe filled with the liquid allergen, injects it right under the skin until a little pocket type bubble forms. Harrison had a nurse on each arm injecting him this way to the tune of 30 times. He did GREAT until right at the end. You could just see the look on his face changing but he tried so hard to be brave. The nurse finally told him it was ok to scream or cry or whatever he needed to do. Basically, it feels like being stung by bees that many times. No picnic for an adult, much less a child. Poor baby. I just about cried myself when he started. He was SUCH a trooper. The nurses commented on how GREAT he was and that they had seen grown people act worse.

The results showed that he is now allergic to all tree pollens, weed pollens (ragweed, etc), and grass pollens. He is still allergic to cats, though he has developed somewhat of a natural immunity to them, and his mold allergens from the past are gone, but he now has new mold allergens. Yup, just like his momma. No wonder the kid is in a rotten mood all the time. I know exactly how he feels. LIKE CRAP!

They also sent us to the lab across the street for bloodwork. They test to see how much allergen is actually in his bloodstream. This is a new one for me. SO, after all those needles, he had to go have blood drawn to the tune of three vials. Again, not a tear. He even watched. What a trooper. He had all the nurses wrapped by the time we got home. I told him he was the bravest almost 7 year old I have ever met. Like I said, I personally, have seen adults act worse in the same situation.

SO, that is my blog for the day. I just HAD to brag on my brave momma's boy!!

I Will be SOOOOOO Glad...

2008-11-03T21:00:00.003-05:00

...when this election is O-V-E-R. Everywhere I look, there is so much discussion going on about each candidate. I guess that is a good thing, and it is a pretty historical election for us. I just don't think things are as black and white as they can be made out to seem. I tend to see LOTS of gray in each topic being discussed this election. Here are some of my favorite campaign issues...

Lets talk about the issue of abortion. Government SHOULD NOT be allowed to decide this for a woman. Now, before you want to lynch me, I in no way condone or support abortion. That being said, I am not wholly opposed to it either. Every situation should be treated individually as it comes about. I simply think a woman should be allowed to decide what her course of action will be. What she decides will ultimately be between her and God on judgement day. It is not my decision, nor the decision of our politicians to be her judge and jury or to tell her she cannot have an abortion. I do know that if my daughter grows up one day, and is laying on an operating table and the Dr. is telling her husband and parents that it is her or the baby, you can bet your ass I am going to choose the life of my daughter. Taking a life is taking a life. If you ban abortion, then my daughter would die. Is that any better than the baby dying?? Banning abortion is all about the rights of the unborn child to live. What about all the innocent children that have died as a result of the war?? Did they not have a right to live?

Now lets talk gay marriages and social security benefits. I DO NOT agree with this at all. I think marriage is between a man and a woman and GOD. Period. That being said, if a couple puts into social security, they should be able to draw out of it. Enough said. Any discussion about being gay being wrong is simply not for me to decide. That again, is between God and said person on judgement day. Me judging them for simply being gay is just as big a sin as being gay.

The War. NEEDS TO END NOW. I support our troops that are fighting the war; that is what they chose to do. BUT the reason we are there in the first place is wrong. Enough said.

The topics of energy and the environment.. We need to find other ways of producing our own rather than relying so much on other countries. It needs to be as green as it can be so my children have a safe and healthy world to grow up in. If the OZONE is gone, do the other issues even matter?

As for the tax breaks being eliminated for companies that move their business overseas?? AMEN to that. Far to many people lose jobs in American because big business is trying to save a buck by exploiting people who will work for cheap and shipping our jobs over to them. Not cool. Not cool at all. Personally, I am quite sick of calling about a bill/complaint/technical issue/etc only to get a non-English speaking person on the other end where the is clearly a communication break down and they have NO IDEA at the opinions and concerns I am trying to convey to them. Companies that strive to keep jobs here should be rewarded, the others, punished.

There ya go. They are the big ones for me. Remember, this is MY OPINION and MY VIEW. Don't go getting all angry with me for expressing them on MY BLOG. Just get out and vote tomorrow for your presidential candidate of choice. Just be sure to know all the facts first.

The Week in Review - posted Sunday Nov. 2, 2008

2008-11-01T23:23:00.012-04:00

I have been a slacker posting my photos and blogging about our activities of late. So, here ya go. The week in review, one week behind, one day at a time. (Hey, i gotta have something to blog about if i am going to post a blog a day.) Maybe by the end of the month I will be on real time.

Sunday, Oct. 26 Trunk or Treating - Seems to be popular with churches all over. Pretty fun and safe for the kids. Our church has made it a tradition every year now for several years and this year, we got in on the action. Per Harrison's request, we decorated our trunk as a "Dungeon". Imagine that... a tricked out mini van. Funny. Seems like others had similar ideas as us. Maybe it is because we all shopped at the dollar tree for our decorative items? I may have to step it up a notch next year. Some were very basic, and some were very cool. Regardless, all the kids and adults had a great time.

Our Spooked Out Mini-Van. I could have just opened up the side doors and let people see the "real" inside. That probably would have been scary too!!

Mr. Bones and a little black crow. I LOVE the Dollar Tree for this type of thing!!

Church friend dressed as Sharpae from High School Musical, and my little flapper girl.

Harrison dressed as the Captain Jack Sparrow, Pirate Skeleton. Pretty scary!

The prettiest Flapper I have ever seen. Her granddad taught her the "flapper" dance, but she wouldn't perform it. I wish I had granddad on video doing it though!

Witches Potions at one of the other Cars. Pretty cool. She had a table full and all sorts of food with a spooky theme to it.

Eyeball grapes, chocolate body part, bone candles and a witches brew complete with dry ice making it look extra spooky.

Harrison and his dad. He had shed the mask at this point. Can't say that I blame him. It looked awfully hot.

The spider on my shirt was a sticker. I had them stuck all over the outside of the van.

I have no idea what is up with the looks on the faces in this photo.
Maybe they didn't get enough candy???

At one point, Maia climbed in the car because she was cold. I kept hearing wrappers being torn open, so I snuck up on her and opened the door and this is what I saw. She looks SOOOOOO busted in this photo. Of course, I didn't care she was eating her candy for dinner, I just thought it was funny. The girl is a candy freak. Halloween is definitely her thing.

NaBloPoMo - Yeah, We'll See

2008-11-01T22:44:00.002-04:00

I signed up for NaBloPoMo as a challege from my friend, Sarah. See, I am ADDICTED to facebook and somehow my blog has fallen by the wayside because of it. SO, in an effort to jump start my blog again, I took the challenge and signed up. You have to post everyday for the month of November. A photo, a sentence, just something. My life is so thrilling most days I may have a hard time coming up with even one sentence most days. It should be an interesting month.

Big Scary Kitty Cats

2008-10-30T15:34:00.003-04:00

Yesterday a lady and her husband came to visit me about keeping their 15 week old baby boy. It went well at first, then enter Louie, our Siamese Cat. He is about the most docile and friendly creature on four legs if I do say so myself. They were concerned about him being in the same room as their baby if he were to stay with me. Now, I know that all people are not cat people but come on... Would you be scared by this???

Let's take a closer look at that BIG SCARY FACE...

All that superstition about cats taking the baby's breath is just nonsense. When I was pregnant with Harrison people actually asked me if we were going to get rid of our cat (not Louie, but another Siamese we had that has since passed away, Nigel). Uh, NO! They are my four legged babies. I don't buy into all that hoopla about cats and babies. Louie wouldn't hurt a fly. Now, he might do some damage to the cave crickets (Sprickets) that live in my basement, but not a baby. He loves my kids and they love him. He is most tolerant of being picked on my the two 1 1/2 year olds I keep and they do like to pick at him. Mostly tail pulling.

Oh well, to each his own I guess. I have met a lot of strange cases in this business. I am convinced that some people just need to suck it up and stay home with their own children because NO ONE will ever measure up to their standards and it is not fair to expect someone to. I was actually asked if the cat would be in another room while the baby was here if they were to chose me. Uh, just how would I make that happen? Really, I have no hard feelings toward this couple. They were at least honest with me from the start, which is WAY MORE than I have gotten out of some people. I just thought it was funny. They have a dog, but it stays outside. Probably a Pit Bull. Anyway, good luck to them in their search for the perfect childcare provider. I am way better off without uptight people. I just don't need the drama!!

A few Gripes about Cell Phones

2008-10-29T12:27:00.003-04:00

I typically like to keep my blog rather positive. I am sure plenty of people out there have no interest of hearing me bitch and moan about things. However, consider this a public service announcement.

First, If you are in your car, DON'T I repeat DON'T gab on your cell phone. The ear piece things, however ugly and annoying they are to people not on a phone, are OK. I guess. You are still diverting your attention but at least your hands are free. I have been behind or near far to many irresponsible drivers in the past week who are gabbing away on a phone with absolutely NO INKLING as to what is going on around them. Speed Limits?? HA! They seem to set their own, to Hell with anyone else. Driving in the wrong lane, not paying attention to lights that are changing, lane changers, or anything else for that matter.

Second, if you are in a grocery store DO NOT block up the aisle discussing on your cell phone what flavor brownie mix to buy with your boyfriend. I was behind a girl who could have cared less that she was in my way. She knew I was trying to get around her; I even went so far as to give her cart a little push so I could get around. She still didn't move it. Can we say RUDE?? Believe it or not, you are not the only person that inhabits the earth. She proceeded to talk on her phone, the hand held kind, the entire time she shopped with very little concern for anyone around her.

Third, if you are in line at Panara Bread to buy food, do you not realize how rude it appears when you are on the phone having a personal conversation that some may not want to be privy too?? Chris and I were there this past weekend, and I tell you, EVERY GIRL under say 22 in the joint must have been talking on a cell phone. Take it outside, step away from the line, go to your car, whatever, its just that I DON'T WANT TO HEAR YOUR PERSONAL CONVERSATION! Period.

Fourth, DON'T you REALIZE how stupid you look walking around Target/Wal-Mart/Fill in the blank with any location talking into one of those earpieces?? You look like an idiot. Enough said.

Fifth, DO NOT take me into the restroom with you if I happen to call you on your cell phone. I have been into far to many restrooms only to hear someone in the stall next to me yakking away. COME ON!!! Please conduct your personal business and take your conversation elsewhere. I have NO DESIRE to hear your bodily functions while I am talking to you. GROSS.

NO, I do not own a cell phone. I do not WANT a cell phone. Yep, it is your right. I just personally don't want to be connected to a phone all the time. I hear it ring enough at home. If I want you to know where I am I will let you know before hand. Otherwise, leave me alone. I can only think of a few instances where one would come in handy. On a long trip, when my hubby is on call, a trip alone, and a few others come to mind. BUT NONE of them involve just feeling the need to be "connected". Give me a break. Get a life. I sure as heck don't want to hear about yours when I am out in public.

WARNING - Children May Cause Premature Aging

2008-10-28T16:15:00.002-04:00

Warning!!! If you have a SMALL child, say under the age of 2, you may want to stop reading here. That being said, I have had one HELL of a time with my son lately. Almost 7, he has picked up some very bad habits that I am not real proud to write about in a blog for people to read. But, I need to vent, so here it goes.

He has been having trouble in school. Trouble focusing. Lets start there. Give him something he enjoys (science, math, art, music) he is golden. No issues out of the ordinary. Reading, which he has had some trouble with, but quickly improving, is a different subject all together. The boy just simply checks out. Leaves planet earth. I understand that it is normal for them to do this for things that give them trouble, as a way of shutting it out. BUT, the question lies in how do you fix the problem?? He is in several intervention type of programs and I have seen dramatic improvement in this area but he still seems to have trouble focusing and staying "checked in" during certain parts of school. He is also making some bad choices overall in school, resulting in a moved puzzle piece down the discipline board. Four spots yesterday and two today. I got a note home both days and demanded an explanation as to what he did to get it moved and then asked how he could have made a better choice. He didn't have a clue. He simply said, he got in trouble. End of subject. Said he didn't do a thing. OOOOKAAAAAY. Yesterday, he actually looked possessed when I punished him and said he was so mad he just wanted to bite me. He hit at me and cursed me. Try as I might, I could NOT get that bar of soap in his mouth without fear of breaking his jaw or getting bit by him. He got a spanking. (All those who don't approve of spanking, keep your comments to yourself). I am just not sure where to go from here. I have discussed it with the pediatrician to no avail. I know Halloween/His Birthday/Christmas are all right around the corner and it seems to be a phenomenon that this type of behavior typically occurs in conjunction with said events. I am hoping.

As parents, you just want what is best for your child and I feel EVIL and horrible when I have to punish him, spank him, force soap in his mouth, etc. But what else do you do? Some will say private school is the answer. NOW, I KNOW from personal experience that some of the worst kids come from private schools in our area. Kids there are disciplined the same way as kids in public schools. Its not like kids get to run wild in public school, so I am not really sure why people think this is the answer. Believe me, I have felt judged on more than one occasion by people close to me for the way my son acts. I have had more advice than I can handle dished out by well meaning friends. Fact is, he is MY son and I have to do what works for us. I feel as if people think I am not doing all I can to correct his behavior. Of course I am. It is simply easier to dish out advice and tell how you would do it when the child is not your own.

I know deep down that H. is a good boy. Very sensitive, almost to a fault, and loving. He is just a boy that is almost 7 who happens to be spoiled rotten. I can deal with those types of behavior problems. I just don't know how to keep it from affecting him in school. He likes his teacher and classmates and most of the kids in his class are good kids. I want him to do good and be successful in his classes and with his peers.

Anyway, I know this blog just rambles on and on and on as if I myself have "checked out". I just needed to vent. I do take small comfort in the fact that a friend of mine that has a daughter the same age as Harrison is going through some similar issues. We laughed today that kids should really come with a warning. We just weren't prepared to deal with this kind of thing that no one tells you about. Taking care of a baby is a piece of cake. Wake me up in the middle of the night, changing diapers, having someone so small totally dependent on you for EVERYTHING is suppose to be so hard. Well, I am here to tell you that JUST AIN'T SO!! The real work really doesn't being until they are old enough to have an opinion and be brave enough to voice it to you and stand up to you. Oh, you people with little ones... Just wait. Enjoy all the sleepless nights and diapers, formula, nursing, dependency, etc. Your day is coming.

Now, I must go Kiss my baby boy and tell him how much I Love Him and how blessed I am to have him in my life, good times and bad times.

Ahhh, Fall in Virginia

2008-10-21T22:14:00.016-04:00

I think Fall has finally arrived. For a minute there, I had to double check. We were moving along, summer clothes were packed away and then BOOM! We had a week of 80 degree weather. NOT LIKING that in OCTOBER!! Anyway, this past weekend, I did my normal photo shoot of the kids. We headed down to Concord after church on Sunday and after the Kids had some lunch I tried to get some photos of them in the mountains where my Mother in Law lives. Around the pond, on the rocks, etc. One thing I didn't plan for was the mid day sunshine. I got a lot of glares and shadows, but I still like them. Maybe a professional wouldn't think they were so good, but I think the shadows kinda add something to them. Not really liking the harsh light on some where it is so washed out they are white, but hey, I am not a photographer, and have a very pitiful piece of equipment that I am working with. I got semi-cooperation from the kids. Maia was so not feeling the photo shoot. Copped a major 'tude on me at one point.

All dressed and ready for church. She thought she was SOMETHING in this get-up, esp. the new shoes her Grammie got for her. She had been wanting high heels and The Children's Place came thru for us with these cute ones. She said people would be calling her "Sparkle Maia" because her shoes, tights and dress all sparkled. AND ALL THIS AT AGE 5!!!

Sitting pretty on the rocks at Grammie's House.

She wanted me to take a photo of her gazing into the "gazing ball". Wonder if she sees her future in there?? Wonder if she sees money in mine??

With the pumkins they picked out the day before at Sprawl-Mart.

OMG! She melts my heart. Is she not the sweetest thing you have ever seen???

He is so proud of that missing tooth. His second one to lose.
My preppy, handsome Momma's Boy.

My little tree hugger. I LOVE LOVE LOVE this photo of Harrison.

Anyway, we moved on from there to the Old City Cemetery. Seems to be a favorite of photographers, professional and amateur alike, these days. I got a few decent ones of the kids and some of the pretty fall colors of Virginia leaves. I don't have much to say other than "WELCOME FALL"!!!! I am sooo glad you are here. Enjoy the photos.

Fall foliage in Virginia. Pictures don't do it justice.

So sweet. As much as they fight and pick with each other, they actually do like each other
most of the time.

Maia was NOT into this photo at all. Harrison was all smiles though.

My favorite of Maia

So handsome. He is gonna be a lady killer one day.

All together now, say, "AWWWWWW".

Today was Rough

2008-10-07T22:09:00.002-04:00

No photos to post, just a bit of griping/unloading before bed. I had a crappy day. There, I said it. C-R-A-P-P-Y. Or S-H-I-T-T-Y, would be more appropriate. Crappy just doesn't do it justice. The day started off "ok" for the most part. Nothing out of the ordinary, kids up, ready and out the door for school as my daycare kids showup. Same ole same ole. Most of the morning was ok too. Other than the fact that I have laringitis that has lingered for going on 7 days now, I was hanging in, doing ok. I am generally grumpy, due to the fact that I have not been able to talk above a whisper for 6 days, but hey, I am dealing.

The crap started around 10:30am when JP Morgan called me about my Paypal MasterCard Debit card. To authorize a charge. In the amount of $350. That I didn't make. FRAUD. Well that is just one fine and dandy piece of poo to be delivered on a silver platter to me. I was just about to transfer my paypal balance to my checking account to cover some purchases made this past weekend on my shopping trip with Maia. Well, now the money is gone and will not be recovered for about a week. That sucks for several reasons that I won't get into. Basically, my checks could turn to rubber because of this. Maybe not, but it is possible. I have a few saving graces, but I won't count chickens before they hatch. That ALWAYS gets me in trouble. The good news is, they were able to deny the charge, thus preventing it from ever hitting my checking account at or local bank. I did not have that much in Paypal to cover it. That is good. Card was cancelled, new one reissued, bank notified, etc. Oh, if only the drama ended there...

The rest of the day went OK. At 4:45 one of my mom's showed up to pick up her son, Xavier. He has been with me for a few months. She told me that he would be leaving in two weeks because the daycare her 3 year old son is at had an opening and it would be easier to have the both a one place. No arguement there, but it would have been nice to be told a long time ago he was on a wait list so I could have been prepared. She gave me a two week notice, which is more than most have done in the past. No hard feelings here, Promise. It was just the icing on my cake today. Now, in less than two weeks time, I have lost TWO kids. That is HALF OF MY INCOME PEOPLE!! That SUCKS, no matter which way you slice it! This seems to be a trend with me come October. Never fails. Right in time for the holiday's. Thank God for the In-Laws who are more than willing to help out in the Santa Department. Else, Santa would probably be skipping by our house this year.

So, now i am on a quest to find not one, but TWO replacements to make up the lost income. My little guy, Zander, is leaving to stay with his grandma for free. Can't blame mom for that one at all. I have had him since he was 6 weeks old, so he is like my child. It will be hard to see him go.

Oh well, That's how the cookie crumbles, I suppose. I am going to bed now. Hopefully, tomorrow will be a better day.

Mr. Mantis Makes Another Appearance.

2008-10-01T22:11:00.002-04:00

...this time, Louie was not around. Mr. Mantis was just chillin on my porch furniture. Isn't he cute? He was looking right at the camera. Probably freaked out after his last experience on my porch!

Fire Station Fun for TC Miller Kindergarten Students!

2008-10-01T21:09:00.006-04:00

Today, I got to go on my Maia's first kindergarten field trip to the Miller Park Fire Station #6. I remember taking a field trip here myself as a kindergartner so it was pretty cool to get to go there with her.It was just a 2 minute bus ride to and from, as it is in the same neighborhood as the school. The kids got to hear all about the fire station, fire equipment, what to do in case of a fire, and even got to go inside the firetruck and rescue squad. Big stuff for a little person. Both kindergarten classes went and several parents.

Miller Park Fire Station #6 est. 1914

We learned that it is the oldest operating fire station in the city, having opened in 1914 and the only one that still uses a slide pole. Pretty cool stuff. The rookie fireman on staff today actually showed up how he slides down the pole. The kids loved this.

"Engine 6"

"Medic 6"

Of course, leave it to my camera to run out of "juice" as soon as we got there. It never fails for me. The only time I lose battery power is when it is something that I really want to get photos of. Happens on all the field trips and school events I have been too. Lucky for me, two other moms I know had their camera so I am hoping they will send me some good shots. I was able to eek out a few, so I will share those here. (I did not take the three of the station, firetruck and medic unit, I "borrowed" them. Shhhh don't tell)

Maia and her friend/classmate, and our old neighbor, Paola.

The kids watching and learning. No, Maia is NOT picking her nose, but it sure does look like it. (I really don't have a good choice of images to include since my batteries wouldn't work!)

Station 6 firemen. The rookie, Gavin, is on the far right. The Captain is the short bald guy!

Watching and listening to a talk on the Medic unit.

Getting all set to fight fires! Capt. told us the equipment weighs 50+ lbs.

The Slackers Week Old Post of Family Fun and Things

2008-09-30T21:17:00.010-04:00

Last Saturday my Mother in Law's church, Calvery Baptist, in Concord, had their fall festival. It was an all day affair. The kids had spent the night with her so that I could attend a women's fellowship night at my church on Friday night. I ended up bagging that for a dinner out ALONE with my Chris. You know, I wanted to go, but when it started to feel more like something I had to do rather than something I really wanted to do, I knew it was best to skip it and hang with the hubby.

Saturday we headed on down to Concord (about a 20 minute drive) to have some fun. The weather was great. Chris had taken some of the ramps and such from the skatepark for the kids to skate on at the festival and he went along to help out with that. The kids LOVED the Balloon Dart game and the dunking tank. They could win tokens to be traded in for prizes. There were tons of games set up, great food, music, door prizes, mini ponies, and the cutest alpacas ever. I want one. They are so gentle and sweet to look at. Harrison won 350 PIXIE STICKS. Yep, 350 tubes of PURE SUGAR. How? You had to guess the number of pixie sticks in the jar. There were a bunch of different items to guess on, so WHY I chose to submit a guess for SUGAR I have no idea. He was in seventh heaven. I've been in hell ever since. Maia "spent" all her tokens on three blow up rainbow colored unicorns. She drug those things around for a week afterward. Harrison got a blow up dinosaur and a lot of small items. He went for quantity, she, for quality. That's my girl!

They had a very small (as in three kids) teddy bear parade around the parking lot. Our friends little boy, Haisten, was too cute with his John Deere wagon full of bears.

Enough of my rambling. Here are some photos from the day. I will try to not be such a slacker from now on. I just don't have that much to write about lately, and you REALLY don't want me to get started on the bailout situation. I will only say this... Follow this link. It says all I want to say much better than I could actually say it.

The kids weren't really expecting me and when I got there I caught this photo of Maia seeing me. How cute is that? Excited to see her momma.

The poor guy in the tank didn't stand a chance with Harrison throwing the ball!

Maia and Cousin Christy, who was visiting from Richmond, with her Dad for the weekend.

Harrison and McGruff the Crime Fighting Dog. Nice shoes McGruff.

Maia was so proud of her kitty cat that she didn't want to wash it off that night.

He just looks too happy here. Simple things...

Ready to start the Parade. Maia WAS NOT into it at all. Can you tell??

Haisten Lynn on his John Deere. Too cute!

Uncle Ed, from Richmond, stirring the brunswick stew.
Having a staring contest with Harrison. Actually, if you leaned into them, they would kiss you. (Karen, how do you spell staring?)

The alpacas from Fishwood Farm in Concord.
Every Mother's worst nightmare. (For those of you wondering, the Pixie Sticks have been hidden and will be rationed, then will suddenly disappear at Halloween. If you don't like them, don't come to my house!)
Maia and her Unicorns. She worked HARD to earn enough tokens to get all three.

Hayride! Aunt Kathy, Harrison, Judy aka Grammie, and Maia

I've Been Neglectful...

2008-09-29T22:06:00.002-04:00

...of my blog. I don't have too many readers, I don't think, so not too many to disappoint. Chris sent me a funny link about the 10 commandments of blogging. Too funny. I must say I have been neglectful because I have become addicted to facebook and all the applications on there that you can play with. I need a 12 step program. BAD. I am going to do my best to post an update about some family happenings (mainly for journaling/scrapbooking purposes) tomorrow. Stay tuned.

This is What Happens When A Gas Pipeline Explodes

2008-09-21T00:08:00.005-04:00

Last Sunday, a gas pipeline exploded in nearby Appomattox County. I don't know who to credit these photos too; they were sent in an email with no name attached, but they are excellent and show the damage that can be done by such a thing. Several homes were lost, but luckily, no lives. The heat was so intense that it melted paint, headlights and rubber on nearby vehicles. Here is a link to the local tv station if you want to read more. These photos are crazy.

Smackdown: Louie vs. The Preying Mantis

2008-09-18T22:40:00.003-04:00

Tonight, as my family and I were leaving to go to TC Miller Open House, we opened the door to leave and discovered that our Siamese cat, Louie, was battling it out with a HUGE preying mantis. I have NEVER seen a Preying Mantis stand up on its back legs and strike a fighting pose, but boy was this one ready for the action Louis was giving him. It was the funniest thing! Of course, me being a freak with a camera, and always looking for something to pose about, had to grab the camera. Me and the kids stood and watched for several minutes as the smack down progressed. Louie mainly wanted to play with it. Now, had it been our other cat, Max, he would have eaten it up. The Mantis wouldn't have stood a chance. Louie is too much of a good kitty to eat it, thought it did appear he may have injured it a little bit. Anyway, I don't really have much to say on the topic, you kinda had to be there to really witness a cat fighting a preying mantis. It was truly something to see. Here are some photos. Hope you can see the way the mantis was standing up. It was hard to catch in a still photo. Too funny!!

Poor unsuspecting Mantis

Watching and waiting...

Let me just give him a little nudge to get things going...

Mr. Mantis says "you better back up kitty or things are gonna get ugly"...

Ahhh, now the real smack down begins. The action really picked up when they moved under the rocking chair. All poor Louie wanted to do was play with Mr. Mantis. Mr. Mantis did not want to play with kitty cat. Poor Louie.

After this, we left for school I have no idea what became of Mr. Mantis. I have not seen him since we left. Louie, however, seemed to fair well in this battle as he is asleep on my bed now. Maybe I will see the Preying Mantis tomorrow. Or at least parts of him if Louie decided to have him for dinner.

Note to Self: Red Fingernail Polish and Kids DO NOT MIX

2008-09-17T21:40:00.004-04:00

After school, a little girl I use to keep as a baby/toddler comes to stay with me. She goes to the same school that my two go to and she rides the bus here in the afternoons until her mom or dad come to pick her up around 5. The bus does not get here until about 4:10. Her name is Bailey, and she is cute as a button. Today, I had an appointment. My mom was here with the kids until I got home, around 4:45pm. In a very short amount of time (you can do the math here!) those two little girls, Maia and Bailey, managed to wreak havoc on several items in Maia's room.

The three little angels, Bailey, Harrison and Maia

While putting Maia to bed this evening, Chris stumbled upon a bottle of MY RED NAIL POLISH, let me just say, a practically brand new bottle, spilled over onto the hardwood floors of her bedroom. Her quilt was laying on top of it all. Somehow the quilt was spared all but for one small dime size spot. The floor, not so good. Lucky I had a bottle of NON-ACETONE nail polish remover on hand and with some quick action, Chris was able to get most of it off the floor. Well, after that mess is up, Maia walks out of her room with her LIMITED EDITION amethyst Build-A-Bear, complete with purple fairy costume, with tears in her eyes. Upon close inspection there is the brush to the RED NAIL POLISH all stuck in the bears fur with GLOBS and GLOBS of said nail polish all over the bear and dress. Ok, anyone that has purchased a B-A-B knows that these things are not cheap. Not one you just want to trash without an attempt at stain removal. A less expensive bear would have wound up in the garbage.

Maia and Harrison both got the speech, even though Harrison was innocent in this one, (Bailey's speech is coming tomorrow) about things that don't belong to them and that they are to KEEP HANDS OFF if it is not theirs. I was so mad. So, now, if anyone knows how to get this off of the poor bear Maia named Sparkles, please let me know! I am going to try a small spot of nail polish remover, but I fear it may eat the polyester right off the bear's leg. Someone else told me that OFF Bug Spray would do it too. Anyone heard of this?? Ugg. I think I am going to bed and will deal with this one tomorrow!!

Busy Weekend in the Toler House

2008-09-15T20:56:00.007-04:00

We had a busy couple of days this past weekend. Friday evening, after all the gas craziness in town died down, the kids and I grabbed a bite to eat and headed over to my mom's house to hang out. I desperately need a change in scenery by the end of the day on Friday's, and I didn't really feel like dragging the kids out in public and dealing with the meltdowns that have been occurring quite frequently when I do attempt it. So, to Grandma's house we went. Dinner in tow. I found some quite time on her computer, which blows mine out of the water even though I have DSL. My computer is a virtual dinosaur as computer's go. It is pushing 8 years old! YIKES!! That's REAL OLD for a computer. Can't afford a new one, so I make do. We hung out there for a little bit. My kids love to watch all her old movies that she has had since my 21 year old brother was a kid. They chose "The Indian in the Cupboard" this particular evening.

Saturday was Day in the Park, part of September's Kaleidoscope in Lynchburg. Basically, a bunch of local businesses and vendors set up food, games, rides for the kids, a petting zoo and pony rides as well as a variety of live entertainment in the local park. All free, except for the food of course. The kids love it and it is something to do that can be free if you eat before you go and can resist the temptation of fresh cooked funnel cakes. I didn't take money. The kids loved the pony rides and watching a karate exhibition and had fun jumping on the moon walks and such. Chris and I enjoyed watching our church's (Fairview Christian Church) Praise and Worship band, 24/7, perform for a while until the kids started to get bored. Then it got cut short. Oh well. It was REALLY Hot anyway.

Chris, Harrison and Maia relaxing in the shade, watching 24/7 perform.

Most awesome Praise and Worship Band, 24/7

Sunday we headed to church. Chris and I had to keep the nursery. The kids had to finish their crafts they had been working on for a local nursing home. Today was the day we were going to visit and deliver the goodies. After worship, the lovely ladies in charge fixed all the kids a hot dog lunch and we all headed over to the Odd Fellows Home (or Oddville as Maia refered to it in all her innocence) for a visit. The kids had made cute little flower arrangements, cards, and painted boxes, and also had teddy bears and candy to pass out to the residents. They had also worked hard on learning some new songs to sing for them. I forgot my camera, and I could just kick myself! They were so cute! I am going to try hard to obtain some photos that were taken during the visit. They were so excited to visit and pass out their treasures. They brought lots of smiles to faces during their visit and I know they were much appreciated. You could just see it in the eyes of the people they went to see. It was a fun day for everyone.

September 11, 2001

2008-09-11T11:39:00.010-04:00

As the popular Alan Jackson song goes... "Where were You when the World Stopped Turning, on that September Day?" I remember clearly, exactly where I was and what I was doing/wearing/feeling that day. September 11. A beautiful cloudless blue sky day. I was at work, 7 months pregnant with my first child, a son. If had on khaki capri's, black tee shirt and black platform sandals. I was sitting at my desk at M/A-COM where I worked as a graphic designer putting the pretties on the proposals that sell public safety systems and two way radios to counties/governments/locales, etc. I was excited about the impending birth of my first child, the sunny day, good friends, life. Then my friend, Lisa, made the announcement that a plane had flown into one of the World Trade Center buildings.

Shock, disbelief that it was even possible, and fear, all filled my being. Was it a plane off course? A sick joke by the media? Lots of possibilities crossed my mind, but not ONE of them at first was that it was an act of Terrorism. I mean, come on! We are the USA, safety reigns thanks to our troops. From that point, the morning just spun out of control. My hubby was still at home. I called him. He had seen the news. Just as we were digesting the first plane crash, the second one hit. By now, someone had a TV on. Standing room only. Now, it was clear, the USA was under attack. I remember feeling numb and scared. How could this happen? How could I be bringing a child into this world at this time?? What kind of world would he know growing up? Would it be the same one I grew up in, feeling safe and secure? How does a mother protect her child in this type of place we live? Oh, the questions that went thru my mind that day. I cried, everyone cried. Scared for all of us and how we would deal with this, and where it would lead to next.

We hear of the plane crash at the pentagon, then watch in horror as the twin towers fall. I cannot even imagine the terror the people in NY must have felt at that moment. The news is too hard to watch, yet we are glued to the TV. Lastly, we hear of the plane crash in the field in Pennsylvania. I remember sitting around the small TV we had watching in disbelief the horror unfolding minute by minute. It seemed as if each second brought something more horrible than the one before it. I felt like I was living in a dream, something I would wake up from to find it was all make believe. I didn't know what to make of it then, and looking back, I still don't. How can human beings be so cruel?

Then the questions started (mainly in my own head). How can I bring a child into this world? How could GOD let this horrible thing happen ( I have just realized the answer to this in the past year)? How will we, as a nation, deal with this and move forward? What about the people who lost a spouse, a child? The child that lost their parents? Oh, and then, being pregnant, all those pregnant women the news would talk to. The babies would never know their fathers. The fathers, their child. Awful. Well, here we are seven years later. I have realized that GOD put my child on earth for reason, right or wrong with the timing and that maybe, one day, my son (and daughter as well) will fulfill a special purpose, known only to GOD at the time he was given to me. He will do something great in his life on earth. I believe that. Maybe nothing big, but every person can make a change, no matter how small. He is proof that life goes on, good or bad. The fatherless children will no doubt be told of the heroism of their fathers when they are old enough to understand. They will do something great, in their memory. GOD did not allow this to happen. People did. People who don't believe in my GOD. God was with all those people the day they died, and remains with the ones left behind. HE got us thru the days that followed. He brought a nation together in a way I never thought I would witness. HE cried with us that day. I am sure of that.

I could write a book on this subject, but I won't. Here is a poem that was sent to me in an email. I will leave you with this. I thought it was remarkable.

'MEET ME IN THE STAIRWELL'

You say you will never forget where you were when you heard the news
On September 11, 2001. Neither will I.

I was on the 110th floor in a smoke filled room with a man who called his wife to say 'Good-Bye.' I held his fingers steady as he dialed. I gave him the peace to say, 'Honey, I am not going to make it, but it is OK..I am ready to go.'

I was with his wife when he called as she fed breakfast to their children. I held her up as she tried to understand his words and as she realized he wasn't coming home that night.

I was in the stairwell of the 23rd floor when a woman cried out to Me for help. 'I have been knocking on the door of your heart for 50 years!' I said. 'Of course I will show you the way home - only believe in Me now.'

I was at the base of the building with the Priest ministering to the injured and devastated souls. I took him home to tend to his Flock in Heaven. He heard my voice and answered.

I was on all four of those planes, in every seat, with every prayer. I was with the crew as they were overtaken. I was in the very hearts of the believers there, comforting and assuring them that their faith has saved them.

I was in Texas , Virginia , California , Michigan , Afghanistan . I was standing next to you when you heard the terrible news. Did you sense Me?

I want you to know that I saw every face. I knew every name - though not all know Me. Some met Me for the first time on the 86th floor.

Some sought Me with their last breath. Some couldn't hear Me calling to them through the smoke and flames; 'Come to Me... this way... take my hand.' Some chose, for the final time, to ignore Me. But, I was there.

I did not place you in the Tower that day. You may not know why, but I do. However, if you were there in that explosive moment in time, would you have reached for Me?

Sept. 11, 2001, was not the end of the journey for you. But someday your journey will end. And I will be there for you as well. Seek Me now while I may be found. Then, at any moment, you know you are 'ready to go.' I will be in the stairwell of your final moments. God

Ah, Rain, Glorious Rain

2008-09-06T21:04:00.006-04:00

We've had a dry spell the past few weeks and boy was the rain we woke up to this morning a site for sore eyes. Thanks to Hurricane Hannah, our grass got watered and so did my kids! I guess they had forgotten what rain looked like. They were so excited, by 8 am they were both outside in raincoats, crocs and umbrellas having a ball. Harrison did have on pants, the coat just covered them! They played in the puddles and danced in the rain for about an hour before I called them inside to get dry. They were soaked! Here are some photos from the morning.

She could be the new cover model for Morton's Salt!

Standing in the rain, contemplating their next plan of action! Harrison looks like a mini flasher.

Just to be sure as to not get wet, Harrison took TWO umbrella's in the rain. Then carried them upside down. I think the red one has seen its better day. Anyone passing by would think he was naked under that coat.

Harrison and Maia found curled up Holly bush leaves and were sailing them as boats.

My favorite photo. She just looks so happy and carefree. Ahhh, if we could all be this happy all the time, we would have world peace!

No bath needed tonight!! They got one in the rain! They were both soaked.

Coming in to get dry. Harrison was still playing. He is so hard to get on camera!